Trying to be a good friend

My good friend … He has been thru a lot. Divorce kicked his ass. He has always been super genuine. When I was wishing I was dead.. he was like the only guy that was always trying to help without an agenda. Ladies you know what I mean.. most guys offer help for selfish reasons.. not him.. even tho I thought he was just another creep trying to fuck.
He’s even on Reddit and I’m sure he will see this..
well for a few years we been friends.. we not always in touch .. I’m a revolving door to an ex I can’t just let go of.
My friend hates him so I keep them separated so no violence happens.
Now my friend.. he’s older not in the best shape.. not a huge dick.. but he’s an amazing fuck and nobody has ever made me nut from eating my pussy like him. We have love for each other but not the kinda love to keep a happy relationship.

His Obsession with squirting

An ex of mine was obsessed with squirting. Like literally would not shut the fuck up about it. I told him when we met that I was a squirted. What he did not understand was that he ain’t have make me squirt kinda dick. He was nice in size and shape but all he would do is try and fuck like he saw in a porno.. it was painful so I’d fake an orgasm to get him to hurry up and finish.

So one day he pissed me off . I drank a shit load of water ate asparagus and peed all over his face when he was eating me out and told him I squirted. For 2 weeks straight all he wanted to do was eat me out so he could see me squirt. I never did tell him I just peed on him a lot.