The sun woke me up. Well, actually, I guess you could say it was the breeze that woke me up—it was the breeze that lifted my blind just enough to let the early morning sun into my bedroom. But whether it was the breeze or sun responsible, I was up. I ran my fingers through my tangled brown hair, rubbed my eyes and yawned. I reached to my nightstand and unplugged the phone whose alarm had yet to ring.
*5:45 not bad*, I thought to myself, *thirty minutes ahead of schedule*. I figured this would give me some time for, well, entertainment. After all, I had a mean case of morning wood, and I had been exchanging messages back and forth with a particularly charming young woman recently, so surely there was something in there to push me over the proverbial edge before my morning shower and coffee. The perfect way to start the day.
My fingers unlocked my phone almost automatically—a process I had repeated hundreds of thousands, if not millions, of times—and intuitively swiped left twice and tapped the “Utilities” folder where I kept Reddit hidden, so that my girlfriend wouldn’t stumble upon it on one of the few nights where she wasn’t travelling for work.