I always knew I was different.
I don’t mean that in the way people always do. Everyone was unique in some fashion. I just always knew that I never fit in. That something inside of me was off. That as I developed, I was unhappy with the changes that were occurring, because it was taking me away from what I wish I was. I thought it was just a phase, but as the years passed, I just got more depressed. Other boys were rough, rugged, always playing sports and chasing the girls. And I was none of that. At first, I thought something was wrong with me. I didn’t enjoy the things other guys did. I didn’t have any friends, and was terrible at talking with girls. How could I explain to them that I was jealous of the bodies they had, the things they got to do. Deep down inside, I knew I wanted to be a girl, but I hid from this side of myself. I was afraid. They’d call me a creep, I just knew it. And so I turned to the one place where I could go to be what I wanted. In chat rooms and on forums, I was a girl. It was the only bright spot in my life. I could talk to people without fear, without feeling scared for being different. It was a lie, but it was a lie I enjoyed.