Author: seacobs

Concert

Sakura talked Sasuke into going to a concert of the new musical sensation Nimble who was the most celebrated woman on the Internet. After waiting in a long queue full of neckbeards wearing fur suits, the pair managed to push their way to the front row in the sea of fur that unfolded before them.

“This is disgusting.” complained Sasuke. “I can’t believe you made me do this. Look at all these neckbeards. I bet most of them are reddit moderators.”

“Hey, this is the time of our lives.” replied Sakura. “Most people would have sold their mothers to get in here.”

“Most people? You mean most neckbeards. Look at these human cows, just disgusting.”

“Hey, stop. You’re ruining our magical moment.”

“I am going to throw up.”

“Shh, it’s about to start.”

The light on the concert stage turned off allowing a blond bimbo to walk into the center of it almost unnoticed. Before the music began, a single projector light shone on her, which made several neckbeards cum inside their fur suits, and then the music began.

“The light that shone on me revealed my true destiny.” she sang. “The blur caused by the dust in the air made my eyes teary.” Read more »

Microsoft

Microsoft was able to acquire all of the major tech companies in America after bribing Donald Trump during his second term. As a result, all of the world’s assets were under the thumb of Microsoft, all of the assets including men’s penises.

“Microsoft support here, how may I help you?” asked Shikamaru after receiving a call from Sasuke.

“Hey, you motherfuckers, I can’t disable your Windows Update service.” replied Sasuke. “Now, every time I want to fuck Sakura right in the pussy, my dick vibrates and I get a text offering a promo code for wide variety of condoms.”

“Too much information, have a nice day.”

“Hey, you fuck, don’t hang up on me. I need help disabling Windows Update for good. I tried everything, but something keeps turning it on.”

“Sir, Windows is a service, so Microsoft reserves the right to fuck with you.”

“What? Fuck you! Just tell me how to disable it or I will call again and again until you die!”

Suddenly, Sakura’s wet pussy emitted a light which allowed her cybernetic eyes to scan the room, which was full of Microsoft products. Read more »

Doggystyle

There are countless worlds. Each world is used as a plaything by Gods who do all sorts of things and use it as a sandbox. However, some Gods are worse than others and the worst among them is Naruto. Naruto, the perverted God, used the world of Ashan as a sandbox to enact his disgusting sexual fantasies. The world of Ashan used to have a lush flora, but the perverted God changed the fundamental laws of the world in an awkward manner by changing their orders. The fundamental laws impact each other in different ways depending on how they are ordered and by ordering them in the way the degenerate God did the laws of the world now revolved around the male genitalia.

“Dear brethren, I am sorry to inform you that 10 of our sacred trees were fucked by a pervert yesterday.” announced Sasuke in front of the townspeople of Chinchin.

“How is this possible?” asked a man. “We did everything in our power to ensure that all of us did the rounds during the allotted times.” Read more »

Doomguy

After Sasuke cut off his penis to escape his universe as several clones of Naruto pursued him in the timeless void, Sasuke found himself unconscious on the laps of Professor X as he was about to ejaculate to a porn scene involving a fat woman being used as a trampoline by a small Japanese man. After feeling deep guilt for ejaculating inside the mouth of an unconscious and penisless man, he inserted demonic runes inside the trunk of what remained of his penis thus making his dick grow back and turn him into the monstriosity that is Doomguy. Using demonic sex magic, Doomguy can fill his testicles with cum by fucking women in the pussy. He can also grab them in the pussy and generate ammo for his dick allowing him to reload faster. Additionally, there are mounds of pussies scattered in the god-forbidden dimension in which Doomguy currently reside as Sasuke’s demonic penis generates a time-space fissure that serves free avocado toast to any young and attractive women within a 10 km radius every now and then strangely enough. Lastly, the Doomguy can fuck a woman and use her as a weapon attachment.

“Space demons, they’re everywhere!” complained Sasuke. “When will it ever end?” Read more »

Grammar

In this sad world, the fabric of reality is based on the ontological penile spiral. Every penis has a sort of inner clock, and thus the penis moves along an invisible spiral, which is connected to the true time of the world, but because the penis has only a vague understanding of what the true time of the world is, it forms its own local time, this local time varies from penis to penis. The true time is not understood as the continued progress of existence, but as a sort of grammar for sex actions, which dictates how a penis can move in the past, present and future. For instance, one man could say “I can’t maintain an erection when wearing a condom.” then the penis while moving in this perpetual circular motion develops the grammar “flaccid penis while pointing towards a condom, and slightly less flaccid as it moves away from the condom”, and thus the penis develops its own local grammar which is different from that of the universal ontological penile spiral, which has a more universal and fundamental grammar. So when two mages fight with each other, the penises go into a dialectical argument. One penis may say “Penis bone exists”, the other penis may respond “But with articulations”, this other penis forms the idea of a penis with bone and articulations thus this penis adopts this idea and it turns into reality, a local reality, but then the former penis may say “No articulations”, when a disagreement occurs, the stronger penis overrides the local reality of the other penis, and in this particular case the greater penis causes damage as the articulations in the penile bone allowed for a more flexible movement along the ontological penile spiral. Read more »

Doggystyle

There are countless worlds. Each world is used as a plaything by Gods who do all sorts of things and use it as a sandbox. However, some Gods are worse than others and the worst among them is Naruto. Naruto, the perverted God, used the world of Ashan as a sandbox to enact his disgusting sexual fantasies. The world of Ashan used to have a lush flora, but the perverted God changed the fundamental laws of the world in an awkward manner by changing their orders. The fundamental laws impact each other in different ways depending on how they are ordered and by ordering them in the way the degenerate God did the laws of the world now revolved around the male genitalia.

“Dear brethren, I am sorry to inform you that 10 of our sacred trees were fucked by a pervert yesterday.” announced Sasuke in front of the townspeople of Chinchin.

“How is this possible?” asked a man. “We did everything in our power to ensure that all of us did the rounds during the allotted times.” Read more »

Drifters

The world is fragmented into highways and onsens spread through latticed spaces in three dimensions and snitched together inside a higher dimension. In this dumb world worlbuilt in 5 minutes, the basic magic system is called the drift. The drift allows you to go anywhere in the world without slipping into the dark void of hyperspace, which is a time-loop that allows this retarded universe to exist and not collapse onto itself. The roads are paved with attractive naked women and they keep squirting pussy juice. The men are called the drifters, because they drift onto these roads paved with women. They keep rolling their stretched out bodies like a pervert who tries to find any excuse to roll onto a group of naked women without going to prison. The men have developed a body manipulation technique called penile sculpting, which consist of cutting in grooves onto the penile skin to allow water to be expelled from beneath the dick and prevent hydroplaning allowing for better traction while drifting.

“Hey, why are you always the one at the front?” asked Shikamaru.

“Because I won’t drift unless the road is fresh, you idiot!” replied Sasuke. “This is a newly paved road. Look at these fresh Sakuras, they’re all innocent and sweet like I like them!” Read more »

Foreskin

The place was dark and smelled like cheese, it was unbearable so the clones of Sasuke developed a language based on the binary code, and thus people would click their tongues instead of speaking normally. This dark and horrible place had basically no space between the roof and the floor, so the clones of Sasuke would wiggle around like a worm, and would build these makeshift buildings consisting of the corpses of previous Sasukes who bit the dust. The corpses kissed at one end and the doors were formed by two corpses joined by their feet. This was done so that you wouldn’t mistake the corpses for real people, because there’s no way people would kiss each other in a place that stinks of cheese and tastes like cheese, or eat someone’s ass, especially not the nobleman that was Sasuke Uchiha.

“Hey, did you find out the mystery of this terrible place?” asked a clone of Sasuke.

“No, but one of us saw that the ceiling had an edge, but he didn’t come back.” replied another clone of Sasuke.

“Hmm, this is promising. Where exactly is this edge?”

“It’s further up north past human igloo 56.” Read more »

Surgery

A group of demons were performing a surgery on the demon lord Sasuke inside an operating theatre. Many demons were intently observing the surgery unfolds curious as to know what made demon lord Sasuke the most powerful demon lord in all of existence. Certainly, they thought that his physiology was unlike the physiology of any demonic being. After all, the demon lord Sasuke himself had to seal himself away from the demonic realm in order to prevent its utter destruction.

“This is unlike anything I’ve seen.” said the head surgeon. “Look at the barbells that are inserted all over his inner skin. It’s holding the gender-swapped Narutos in place.”

“What are these little bee-like things flying inside his abdomen?” asked an assistant surgeon.

“Those are lesser gender-swapped Narutos. They are acting as reconnaissance units. They are surveying his abdomen in order to alert against any intruder and monitor the migration patterns of the humpback gender-swapped Narutos.”

“Humpback gender-swapped Narutos?”

“You see the huge group of buffalo-like creatures over there? It’s grazing the little mushroom-like thingy all over his peritoneum.”

“Ah, I see!” Read more »

Connect Four

The great demon lord Sasuke showed off his magic wand with excitement as he walked the Great Halls of Magnis. His magic wand was enchanted with the god-like spell to teleport to the nearest woman willing to give him a blowjob for free. After making sure he was fully erect, Sasuke pulled down his pants and waved the wand at himself to get a blowjob without using the pickup lines he learned while browsing reddit, which caused him all sorts of trouble as those pickup lines were authored by neckbeards who watched hentai on a regular basis.

“Ah, who do I have the honor of meeting?” said Sasuke with great excitement in his voice.

“It’s me, Naruto.” said gender-swapped Naruto.

“How is this possible!? I thought your kind was exterminated by the Holy Army of Magnis during the seventh Sasuke-Naruto war!”

“I was in bed one night and just got this wild idea and thought I am going to try to suck my own dick. I laid on my side and curled up and to my delight my head went easily between my legs and my flaccid dick touched my lips and I thought it was the softest thing my lips ever touched. My dick grew into a popsicle and I quickly ejaculated inside my mouth. This was the greatest discovery ever. I kept—” Read more »