I’m not a bad guy. But I like gambling and Death-Ball and I’ve made a few bad wagers at the Tentacle-Porn-We-Will-Skull#@*$-You-To-Death-If-You-Don’t-Pay-Your-Debts All-Night Star Port Casino over the years.
Don’t look at me like that! My last big wager was a sure thing. I would have completely paid off my gambling debts. It’s not like I planned to sell my twenty-three-year old sister to one-eyed, tentacle aliens. When you put up your little sister as collateral on a sure-thing, it’s not even like you’re wagering her. The chance of Yivo the Undefeated choking to death on a peanut in the final Death-Ball match wasn’t a blip on the probability charts.
Let’s be honest though, what’s done is done. A man must live up to his obligations or he’s not much of a man. Am I right? I’m right. So, the thing is, they’re coming for my sister and while I’m no longer going to owe my soul to the casinos (thanks sis), I’m as broke as a non-Leonardo DiCaprio Dead Rabbit in civil war era New York City.
By the way, if you didn’t get that last reference, don’t worry. Not everyone can keep up with me when I get rolling. Like I said, though, what’s done is done.