(continued…)
I’m laying there in complete shock. So many thoughts running through my head. When did things take a turn? What was the pivotal point in which Russ was ready to have a kid with ME?? “What do you mean you want me to have a kid ‘FOR you’?” “well, you’re perfect. You have the genes that I want.” What-….. firstly, RUDE! What about wanting a kid with me because of who I am? What about wanting the experience with someone and wanting to have a life with them? “I make great money, I don’t have any worries at all, even if you remain living where you are, with my income no situation is too difficult. I’d make sure I’m there for anything you need. You wouldn’t have any worries.” I’m looking at him with the stupidest, ‘what the fuck are you even talking about,’ look. “aaaannnnddd, does that mean we become a real thing? like dating?… Russ, we just jumped from dating to friends with benefits to now future baby mama? that just sounds toxic and complicated.” I began to understand pretty quickly that he haddddd to be a sociopath. It’s all making sense, he had to be. He talked around me and beyond me, you know what I’m saving? Like I was an object to be objectified and used. But the thing about men asking a woman to have a kid with them, no matter how toxic the situation is, our emotions and hormones translate it to love in our brain. It only gets more confusing when you throw in sex. “That’s not something for me right now Russ. It’s just not the desired situation I see for myself. I’m sorry, our sex is fucking great but I’m not planning on getting pregnant. I say some stupid shit when I’m horny and I’m sorry for that, but no. A kid is not something I want from this.” My periods are irregular, I have PCOS, I’m in my late 20’s and I have never had a pregnancy scare. I mean, I’ve never been on birth control, but I just don’t think pregnancy is anything that could happen with just random hookups. I had a serious relationship with a guy, and we weren’t not trying to get pregnant you know, but it just never happened.