I cancelled again. I’ve made an excuse not to attend my sister’s 21st birthday party. It’s not right I know, but has to be done. I look too awful. I’m fat. In the mirror my breasts are small, my belly is huge, my thighs are barely visible due to cellulite. My face has puffed like those fish, and I’m not even special enough to have their spikes!
So I’m going to sit this one out. Again I’ll stay in my room, watch some Tiktok – maybe subscribe to a new streaming service and see what’s on, do some makeup and pretend I’m pretty. My life is often like this. It’s boring, I don’t go out. My friends, such as they are, live in my phone. It would all be different if I was my sister. She got the looks, the radiance, and the personality. I got the mopey brain that sabotages any initiative or passion I come up with.
Her last birthday I really tried to go to it. I got dressed up and ready. Then the voice said you’re too ugly, you’ll be laughed at, noone will want to talk to you. So I messaged a picture of an old covid test and got out of it. This year I’ve at least done the polite thing and not given anyone false hope.