Luke, I know we need to discuss Yoda’s death, your battles with Vader in Cloud City and Jabba the Hut in the dunes of Tattooine as well as the coming storm and the ultimate test you will soon endure. But I need to tell you about this fine piece of alien ass I fucked in the ethereal realm. Her name is Gamora and she told me she was trapped in an afterlife known as the Soul stone. I am certain she is insane and likely on her way to the depths of the underworld.
I met her some time after my sacrifice upon the Death Star. My master Qui-Gon has trained me in the ways of the Living Force and I have been able to return from the Realm Beyond to this mortal plane to advise you and fuck with Master Yoda. That little green bastard should have let me fight the Emperor back in the day and he go to the hot ass lava planet Mustafar to kill your pops. We wouldn’t be in this mess today if that lil bitch has listened to me. But I digress. So I feel a moment of searing pain as Vader’s bled Kyber Crystal fuels with blade sliced me in Twain. I took my last breath, closed my eyes and then I was weightless.