Sometimes the pain is too bad that I cant cope. I have recently found that smoking really helps the pain.
I have taken up smoking as a way to cope when the pain gets overwhelming. I had sworn off smoking for so long, but I was desperate.
The thick breath in as the smoke fills my lungs is heaven, like it swirls around my body collecting the pain within and stealing it away with my euphoric exhale, expelling it with a relieved sigh.
I have never felt release like it. And the floating on the clouds feeling was so light and inviting. And then it got me thinking……I wonder what other release I can get in this state. This feeling was almost orgasmic. But what if…….before my thoughts even had a moment to consider that maybe I shouldn’t, my fingers had already begun to wonder downwards and under my panty line. They seemed to know what this feeling was and what I needed to reach my relief. My fingers began slowly tracing circles over my clit, so warm under the cold touch of my hand. It felt so good, everything is so intense, the sensation almost felt brand new to me, like I had never been touched before. I kept circling so lightly that it was as if I were simply hovering above, but each slight touch better than the first. I let myself let go for the first time in a long time. I didn’t think just let my body take over. My hands knew exactly what to do. My other hand slipping inside my top to touch my erect nipples, mirroring the rhythmic circling of my right hand. I reached my climax much quicker than I thought. It almost caught me off guard. But I wanted this feeling to last a little longer. I edged my body closer and closer to climax. Circling my clit and pushing my fingers inside myself kept me close without tipping me over until I couldn’t hold the sensation back any longer and this wave of pleasure came over me, embracing me and devouring me. I let out a loud moan, this feeling was like nothing I have ever experienced before. I was completely taken over by the sensation of the pleasurable pulsation in my clit and my stomach, the warm, almost blushing sensation inside of me, and the tingle I felt having my nipple, hard, in between my finger tips. It was so powerful, it felt like it would never end as I contorted, legs shaking as I achieved my orgasm, the way I couldn’t help but to let my moan out, the way I couldn’t control my hands from exploring my body, touching and grabbing to increase the intensity of it.
I lay there afterwards, breathless, more than satisfied. Still revelling in the euphoria I felt. Pain free, pleasured and weightless. Still floating on that cloud.