Author: elliotearthman

mmmmfF The employee retention holes 5/x

Jane wakes up Monday, sore and exhausted, but also excited for her career prospects, and maybe enjoying all the sex more than she wants to admit. “Ok, I can do this” she says, “the new assistant arrives late tonight; 5’5, 32d, 24, 27; nice and top-heavy, yes, cute, too, from the photo, but also, the fact that the boss mentioned the measurements indicates she can, uh, help with more than paperwork.”

As Jane steps out of the shower, she gets a call. “Yeah. Ok, I can be ready for that. wait what? are you kidding? this is the HR department you’re talking about! Oh, Yeah, that makes sense. sure, I can make that happen.”

Apparently she’s getting the promotion early. Conditional, of course, on continued performance of the whole department, but she’s now the chief human resources officer for the west coast, and unofficially, she’s in charge of performance for the engineering team; Her pay raise is immediate, and they’re paying out a large bonus now; the bonus will be clawed back, and she will be fired if the engineering team doesn’t meet it’s targets, Read more »

MMMMMMMMF – The Employee Retention Hole 4/x

Monday, Jane was on time for work, in spite of being extremely sore and still burping and leaking a bit of cum. She had brought breath mints and panty liners to remain professional.

The office was full. Every engineer in the department was there. 95 guys. Well, they were missing the 5 women still. Does everyone know?

Jane’s boss said “Congratulations! I don’t know what you did, and I don’t want to know, but it looks like you’re getting that bonus.” “I don’t want to know?” thought Jane, “he knows. he must.”

Jane’s only thought was “I only fucked 10 guys. There are 85 more And five women. Am I to just take them all in a row, like Annabell Chong?”

But nothing happened that day. Nobody said anything. Everyone was busy getting their office equipment set up again. Work was happening. Read more »

MMMMMF Employee Retention Hole 3/x

Jane took Sunday off. or she meant to. She got a text from Joe:

“So, I understand you need your workforce back. I can organize it. not one at a time, all at once. Meet up in the office tonight. I’ll bring the guys. ”

Jane called him right away. “what is it with you nerds and texting? If you need to talk about something like this, you /call/ – you understand? texts are too easy to search. Yeah. ” she sighed. In for a penny… “How many? Really? at once? …. yeah, I guess that would save time. Yeah, Ok, I’ll be there. And you’ll delete that photo, right? yeah, ok, sure”

Jane hung up. Joe was going to bring 10 of the guys who left into the office; they were going to meet up in the conference room, and she was going to offer them ‘retention bonuses’ – all at once.

Ugh. Ok. She had better go get there early, to prepare the paperwork. this will all be for nothing, otherwise. Read more »

MF Employee Retention Program 2/x

Jane woke with a bit of a headache. That… wasn’t at all what she had planned. I mean, maybe a kiss or something. But fucking him in the bathroom? that… This is probably going to have consequences. Oh well.

How many more? to meet her quota, fewer than 10 engineers would have to quit this year. She’s already got one, so that’s progress, if he stays. Nothing in that contract really means he has to. damn at-will employment law. She got up, and a giant glob of cum ran down her leg. While showering, the considered how to do this. She would go through the list of ‘bonus’ engineers who had already quit and try to bring them back. That’s the ticket. She smiled.

Toweling off, she decided to head into work, even though it was Saturday, and get the phone numbers of the ‘high value’ engineers.

Flipping through the files, she decided to work on Joe this evening. Joe was a tall, pleasant looking guy; he was almost smooth enough that he could have made it in Marketing, but he chose Engineering instead. “Hey Joe, this is Jane, you remember me, from Applied dynamics. Yeah, no, this isn’t about work, I was wondering if you wanted to get drinks tonight? Six, at club avalon? sure, sounds good.” Read more »

MF – Employee retention program 1/x

Applied Dynamics was hurting. 1/3rd of their engineers gave notice when they were asked to return to office, and it turns out /all/ of them had better offers a week later. Offers paying rather more than Applied Dynamics could reasonably pay.

Jane, the VP of HR, has been charged with solving this problem. Now, Applied Dynamics didn’t have budget to go more than 10% over current salaries, which is less than some competitors are paying, so Jane was told to look for “creative solutions” to the problem, and offered a large bonus, if she were able to retain 80% of the remaining engineers through year-end, with smaller boosts if the retained a few key employees.

Jane set to work right away; She commissioned several ‘anonymous’ surveys; only Roy responded; he wanted free snacks (he really likes cheese) in the break room; (a problem cheaply solved, though Roy wasn’t the best performer. Still, he’d count at year end)

Jane read over several of the exit interviews. As usual, they revealed nothing; nobody wants to make waves, right? and this probably just means that other companies are paying more. She picked one file, Tom. Tom was a top-performing engineer; one she would get a nice bonus for if he would have stayed through the end of the year, but he quit just this morning. Read more »