*This post isn’t very erotic unless you’re into mind control. That being said it is the first chapter of a memoir that gets VERY erotic, so feel free to skip it if you don’t want back story, but read it if you want the full foundation on which all the sexy rests!*
After a short discussion about where to begin, we decided to start with him reading a script from one of the books he found helpful in the “research” phase of our journey (feel free to check out the intro post [here](https://www.reddit.com/user/kinkyandinsatiable/comments/x7uz4c/hypnosis_a_memoir_intro/) for more details). So, we found a time that felt right to both of us, sat down on the couch (who doesn’t love a comfy, tufted couch?!), and he read.
I remember being really curious and excited. Oh, and a bit skeptical, of course. I felt a sense of anticipation and wonder as I felt myself settle in. I sat low and let my head relax back on the couch, thinking I didn’t get enough sleep the night before to really be doing this. I was feeling tired – what if I fall asleep? He started with guiding my breath, “In, nice and deep. That’s right, now as you breathe out feel yourself dropping deeper into relaxation.” We took a few breaths this way, and it felt like a really lovely, simple guided meditation. Then he started naming other elements to notice, some mental tasks to do. There was a chalkboard (for you kids out there, it is a whiteboard but with chalk instead of markers. Better for the environment, really… maybe they’ll make a comeback soon. But I digress.). He guided me to visualize myself writing on it. I drew a circle, “That’s right, nice and slow and as you breathe out you drop deeper. Now inside the circle write the letter ‘A’.” And so I saw my mental self draw an A in the circle, noticing the gentleness of my breath as I did so.
As I said, I have a fair amount of experience with meditation. This was deliciously relaxing and so calm. I felt myself slipping into a deeper state with each breath. I felt my muscles relax in a way that I hadn’t really before, it was almost like I was meditating on autopilot or something. I erased the ‘A’ and wrote ‘B’ in the circle effortlessly, still noticing my breath, appreciating the slowness of the experience and just savoring his voice and the moment.
Then, in a little bit of a start, I felt a momentary lapse in concentration. I felt myself witness my inner experience. My witnessing self started to think/over process. Oh shit, what if I actually *am* falling asleep? I started to feel some elements of tension return. And then, just like magic, I heard his voice say that it was okay if I felt sleepy, if my eyelids were heavy, if I wanted to just drift down I could. And so I let myself. I felt a floating feeling and a level of comfort internally that I hadn’t ever felt before. A sense of deep calm and being held. We erased and drew letters on the board (I think until ‘F’). We counted, we did some other things that I honestly don’t remember now other than thinking, “Well that’s random”. (For those of you playing along at home: yes, this was a confusion induction.)
I could feel myself as present, I still had thoughts, I could still sense myself and him as separate. But I felt sooo relaxed. I didn’t feel the need to “think” through things the way that I usually do. I don’t know how to explain it other than to say it was different than not giving a shit as one may with nitrous or weed (more on this in a future post, perhaps). It was a feeling of deep safety and calm in a way that felt like I care but there legit isn’t anything to really worry about other than enjoying the moment.
We kept going. After a while things got less random; I found myself in a hallway. I walked down it a bit, noticing all the different rooms available. “Your inner world is so vast. Do you see all the different elements we have available to explore here?” The white hallway spanned longer than I could see in both directions. It came to my mind as this overwhelming, sterile place. It was uncomfortable but I couldn’t quite place why and I wanted to give things a chance, so I went with it and gave myself permission to relax into it on the next outbreath. I made a mental note to discuss it with him after I came back up.
Walking down the hallway, he had me enter a room, “As the door opens you feel sunshine on your face, feel grass beneath your feet, and see a tree in the center of the room. You step in and the room no longer feels like a small, finite room. You are in the sunny field with a lovely, large tree.” He described the smell of the air, the temperature of the space, the breeze… directed my attention to the squirrel in the distance and the bumblebee lazily floating past. I walked closer to the tree as he described it in loving detail, noting that it had all sorts of twinkling lights on it. The leaves and branches were so expressive and beautifully alive, but the little lights made it truly enchanted. Almost like fireflies or stars embedded in, twinkling emotions out where the bark couldn’t be as indicative of the inner workings. Each one a small point of passion flickering out from inside her deep deep wisdom.
He encouraged my feet closer to her base where I looked up to notice that there was a fairly large vine climbing up the side, with small bits branching out nearly encircling the trunk. I felt my body on the couch for a brief moment as a smile came across my face. A sense of wonder washed over me that the vine was embracing the tree, holding it gently in support. He then described to me that this is the Tree of Emotions. *My* emotions. That the beauty of my willingness to feel and see my own emotions, my own depth, my own deep being and wisdom was reflected in how beautiful the tree appeared right before me. The vine was a helper that was there for when emotions get overwhelming.
He suggested calling forward a memory or feeling that was overwhelming. I thought of a mildly stressful event that had happened earlier in the week. It came to mind much more easily than I thought it would. I continued to be surprised by the ways that my autonomy was still present while also feeling completely open to his suggestions. We noticed together the ways that the lights shifted their twinkling ways. They twinkled brighter, faster. “Do you notice that when you breathe in, it can amplify? It gets even more intense. Big emotions are allowed, you know this and embrace it. But look!” I could almost feel him next to me at the base of the tree, pointing up toward the vine, “When you breathe out, see the ways that the vine gathers up all the extra? The vine helps make sure the tree is kept at an equilibrium.”
So we did this for a handful of breaths: breathing in and letting the emotions be noticed, sometimes even getting bigger, then flowing gently out through the vine friend as the air left my lungs. “This tree is always here. You can do this anytime, whether you are in trance or not. No matter what the emotion is or how overwhelming it is. You don’t have to, but you always *can*. Do you understand this?” I felt something shift inside. I knew this truth before the session of hypnosis, but I never felt it so fully, so deeply. I can feel all the feelings but they don’t have to completely take over my system the way that they have at times in the past.
I felt so much of a “yes!” to his question, but I wasn’t sure how to convey it. I tried to speak aloud, “yes,” but I couldn’t quite find a way to make words happen. (Which, as someone who talks a fair amount in day to day life, was it’s own trippy experience that perhaps I’ll go into in a future post.) I tried to nod, but everything felt so heavy in my body that I just couldn’t get it to move. My thinking mind was trying to will my head to move, trying to think of other options, just wanting to convey the “yes” as vehemently as I felt it inside when I heard, “If you understand, say ‘Yes.’” And with that, I heard myself say, “Yes,” in a sleepy, distant sounding voice. I was amazed at how much of an impact his words were having on me. From there he directed me to say goodbye to the tree, thanking it and the vine for all they do.
I slowly walked back out to the hallway. The chalkboard was waiting, still with that circle and the letter ‘F’ on it. I heard his voice direct my attention back to the breath. “And now,” he encouraged, “feel yourself begin to gently float upward on each inhalation. Erase the ‘F’ and feel your feet gently lift off the floor of the hallway. Write an ‘E’ in the circle. Good, just notice floating up up up. Gently but steadily, coming back up toward the waking world.” We went along in this way slowly with his suggestions of feeling different elements of reality coming back into my awareness, his voice brightening and the pace of his words quickening. Finally with ‘A’ written on the board, “When I snap my fingers you will wake, feeling refreshed and alert.”
*Snap*
And I was back on the couch, eyes open. I wasn’t groggy or fuzzy. I wasn’t tired – in fact, I was less tired than when we started. I looked to my left and saw his smiling face, those piercing eyes twinkling. “How was it?!” He asked excitedly. I replied about how amazing it was, how deeply I felt I went, that I was surprised to have gotten so deep the first time. I told him the ways in which I felt it went really well. I described that I felt so held and seen with his use of the Tree of Emotions. We also discussed that the hallway felt off to me – it was too inorganic for my inner world. We discussed ways to make it feel more authentic and the different qualities whatever other space we chose needed to have. We both decided to brainstorm and keep discussing before the next session.
I asked how it was from his end, and at what point he stopped using the script/started ad libbing. We discussed the ways that the induction worked and the ways that it felt odd to him to be bouncing around so much that if he hadn’t been reading it directly from the book it might have been too much for even him to keep straight. We discussed the ways in which reading a script felt different for each of us versus when he was making it up. We decided that the next time we would likely have him try it either with a different type of induction script or without a script.
There were many smiles, lots of kisses, and so much gratitude. We were excited to have found another point of connection and a deep layer of possibilities open wide for us to explore. The possibilities have always been vast for us – we know this. But they are literally now endless. Oh such Magic.
Source: reddit.com/r/Erotica/comments/x8qsgu/the_first_induction_aka_like_a_virgin_aka_chapter