-“So… you gonna call me a taxi now that you’ve fucked me?” she asked, taking a cigarette out of its’ pack and placing one between her lips.
-“I wasn’t planning on doing that, but if that’s what you want, I’ll make sure you get home.” I say, taking a deep breath of the cold fall air. I smell the leaves and bark of birch and as I look down at her where she sits, legs crossed and blonde hair in a slightly askew ponytail. Her hair is shaved above the right ear, a cut considered alternative at the time but it somehow draws attention to her face.
-“So is your friend really going to drive us then?” she says, looking up at me with her light blue eyes, lighting her cigarette.
-“I’m sure he will, although I haven’t heard from him.”
I pull out my iPhone and give Jason a call.
No answer.
-“He promised.” I said, starting to worry a little. I’m really looking forward to go watch these local bands. “I’m sure he’s just busy with dinner.”
Raina smokes for a while in silence, while I drink my beer and then open another. Moments ago we were inside, wrapped in eachothers’ arms, panting like there was no tomorrow. I see a tear running down her cheek but look out into the small patch of wood for a little while, giving her the chance to hide it if she wishes to. She doesn’t, and starts crying softly.
-“I’m sorry,” she says. “I’m being silly, it’s just… I need to get something off my chest.”
I keep my distance, sit on the railing and sip my beer.
-“Go ahead.” I say.
-“I was… I don’t know why it’s resurfacing now, because it’s about as far from the same situation as then, and I don’t know why but..:”
She succumbs to sobbing for a moment, and then regains composure.
-“When I was fourteen, I was raped.”
I look into her eyes and nod to show I’m listening. “I’m sorry.”
-“Why? It wasn’t you.”
-“I know it wasn’t me, stupid.” I say, “I’m sorry because no one should be raped, ever.”
-“It, too, was a guy I met over the internet. We talked for a while, and then timing was perfect one night… and he was able to visit once when my parents weren’t home. He forced me down on my bed and… took me.”
-“Come here,” I say, hop off the railing and open my arms.
We embrace for a while and she loses herself to it. She cries on my shoulder until her cigarette burns out. The whole time, I try to envision security and comfort and somehow project it to this broken woman. I faintly smell curry.
-“Thanks.” she says. “I really needed that. I haven’t told a lot of people and it just felt… natural to tell you.”
-“You know it’s not your fault, right?”
-“Yeah. Of course. Yeah, I know that. I’m still in therapy for it.” she says, finally coming back to her true self. “If i met that asshole now, I’d shove a screwdriver in his pecker.”
-“No doubt.”
She lights another cigarette and we smoke and drink in silence until I can’t contain myself.
-“I… Why talk to me about it? You barely know me. Do I… remind you of it?”
-“Oh god no. I _wanted_ to do this. For the first time, actually, I _really_ wanted it.”
-“Oh good.”
I can’t help but notice how her lips grasp the cigarette, and I can’t wait to kiss them myself.
-“I’m going to give Jason a call again, alright?”
-“Please do.”
I’ve had memorized Jason’s number since he first got a cellphone and quickly tap it in. I never save numbers I’ve memorized.
No answer.
-“Fucks sake…” I say. “I’ll see if I can get a ride from another friend that seldom drinks, hang on.”
I call Aaron. He answers.
-“Aaron,”
-“Hey, it’s Jared. You sober?”
-“Nope.”
-“Ah shit, do you know anyone driving tonight?”
-“No man, they’re all here, and why aren’t you?”
-“Here… Where?”
-“At Sonya’s”.
-“You know why I’m not at Sonya’s.”
-“Yeah… sorry. Anyway, good luck with the ride.”
click.
-“Yeah, I’m sorry, Raina.” I can’t seem to get a ride.
-“That’s ok.”
-“You sure? I can stop drinking now and have you home by about 2am.”
-“Yeah, no, really, it’s OK, it’s not like I was going to the concert for the music anyway.”
-“You’re sweet.” i say. “You finished smoking? it’s getting cold.”
-“Almost.” she says. “Hey… I need to pee.”
-“Yeah of course, I’ll walk you up to the house so you can use the restroom.”
-“I can’t pee in the bush here like you did a minute ago?”
-“Of course you can. I just figured you wouldn’t want to.”
-“I’d rather not have to meet your parents while I’m drinking. I’ll pee down there, just keep a lookout, I’m always paranoid doing this.”
-“Oh, just squat right here, there’s no light hitting you, but you can see everything around.”
-“Still,” she says. “Keep a lookout, please.”
As she pees and smokes, i think back on what happened half an hour ago.
I had picked her up from the bus in the town where the concert was going to be. We were going to go see some local bands, in one of which I had had spanish class with the lead guitarist. I was excited, I’d never been to one of the rock nights in town, yet. We had met on a dating app a couple of weeks earlier, chatted for a while and then met for coffee, after which none of us really wanted to end the date but had not dared say so. The coffee date was purely platonic, but instantly we had felt something more but hadn’t acted on it.
When we arrived at my place, we went inside to pregame before the concert. We played music from the bands that were going to play that night, and after an hour or so we were kind of just looking at eachother and my walls, listening… drinking… I asked her if she wanted to play a game. She pointed at the plastic guitar in the corner.
-“Guitar hero?” she asked.
-“Absolutely.” I said. “Which one?”
-“There’s more than one? just pick your favourite.”
I booted up a pirated copy of Guitar hero 3, which was my favourite, and handed her the guitar.
-“I’ve only played this once, so don’t laugh.” she said.
-“I’m not that good either.”
She chose the song “Barracuda” on medium difficulty, which meant she used four of the five “string”-buttons and the plunker. I was never good at guitar. Games, however, I was decent at.
Raina didn’t do very well but finished the song and then sat down and sipped her cider.
-“Beat that!”
I remember thinking to myself that I didn’t want to look like too much of a nerd, and then completely switching around and thinking; “If she doesn’t like nerd-me, she doesn’t like me. Eitherway, it’s platonic.”
I remember picking “One” by Metallica on hard difficulty, as that was one that I sometimes couldn’t get past the last solo on. Hard difficulty made me use all the five “string” buttons, but it was the next-to-last difficulty setting. I remember watching Raina’s eyes while I was playing the parts I had memorized, and they were fixed on my left hand fingers. She, apparently inadvertently, bit her lower lip and raised her gaze to meet mine. I didn’t break it until I had to, to keep the score up.
In hindsight, it probably wasn’t my gaming prowess that gained her attention but rather the movements of my fingers.
We played a couple of songs each, and then I put on Borat: Cultural Learnings of America to make benefit glorious nation of Kazakhstan as background noise while we talked, me sitting in my office chair, and her in the sofa. After a little talking, a little drinking, and a little too long silence and watching of Borat, she said;
-“Wanna cuddle?”
-“Of course.”
I sat down on the couch, my back towards an armrest, and she sat in between my legs, leaning her back toward my chest. Enjoying eachothers’ company and closeness, we watched Borat for a while. I pointed out my favourite scenes, and she laughed when appropriate. After a while, she leaned her head on my right shoulder and I could feel her relax more.
We talked a little, watched a little of the movie, drank a little. By her later admission, she must’ve been the one who initiated it… She looked left with her head on my right shoulder and we kissed for a moment. Then passion flared. My hand was underneath her bra, firmly grasping her breast. She pressed her lips harder against mine and with one hand behind my neck and the other grasping my arm, she moved it down to her stomach, to her pantline. As i struggled to get past her jeans, she unbuttoned them and shoved my hand down her panties. I can still remember the first time my fingers ran down her pussy, catching wetness and bringing it back up to her clit. By that time, I was already so hard in my jeans I might’ve actually bruised her back from how we were pressed towards each other. Her wetness increased and she moaned as i ran my fingers up and down her pussy. By how we were sitting, I couldn’t get my fingers inside her, but let her know that that was something i definitely wanted to do. Pausing for air we stood up and by the time we were at the bed, I had pulled off her sweater, unhooked her bra and had her jeans by her knees. I lay her down on my bed, kissing her fiercely, and placing a hand on the back of her neck. I ran it up in her hair and with my fingers wrapped up in her hair, i took a grip to keep her head steady while i kissed and bit her neck and shoulders, working my way down to her breasts. Finally down there, I grabbed her right breast in my left hand and pinched her nipple a little while i nibbled, sucked and bit on her left nipple. She somehow managed to squirm out of her jeans and throw them across the room. Working my still fully clothed body in between her legs, i also grabbed her left breast in my right hand and started kissing my way down to her panties. The heat of the moment might be tilting my memory, but I think they were gray lace. She pressed herself against my mouth as i pressed my lips onto her panties, right on top of her pussy. The panties were soaked through, and the coppery yet sweet taste of her made me throb in my already uncomfortably tight jeans. I pulled her panties to the side and ran my tongue from her clit all the way down to her taint and back up again a couple of times. I grabbed a pillow and lifted her by her butt up on it so i could access her easier. The heat of the moment made it hard for me not to cum in my pants already. I used my lip- and tongue-piercings to tease her, running them on the side of her labia, and then shoved my tongue as far as could into her warm, wet and tight pussy. She moaned loudly when I switched between tongue fucking her and running my tongue up and down her, a couple of times my tongue also grazed her asshole. Her pubic hair tickled my nostril a little and as a pretence for the recoil it made me do, I stood up on my knees and pulled her panties off. As i did, I watched her now naked body beneath me, sprawled on the bed. She was thin, with quite small breasts, a stomach with a scar from a navel piercing, and her face extruding what I at the moment thought was confidence. Later talks would reveal it was false, but in that moment, the look she gave me was the most exhilarating i’ve ever experienced. As soon as she could reach me, she placed both her hands on the back of my head and shoved it back to beneath her legs. I reveled in every lick, every gentle suck on her clitoris. I slid two fingers inside her with ease, and within minutes, she came in convulsions. After licking and fingering her through the orgasm, I gave her a moment to breathe while i undressed and put on a condom. Without warning, I was ontop her, entering her with my very average-sized but extraordinarily hard cock. Her moans in my ear as I worked my way, inch by inch inside her made me completely lose myself in the moment. Hadn’t she been finished already, she would’ve been so disappointed, as when she dug her nails into my back and bit my shoulder, I came in seconds. I collapsed panting on top of her, spent, panting.
-“Wow, that was fast… It happens on occasion.” i said, with defeat in my voice. “Sorry.”
She said nothing, but panted, waiting for her pulse to slow down.
When i pulled out, i noticed the condom had broke.
-“Oh, shit.” I said. “I’m really sorry.”
And I really was sorry, I didn’t want this to happen.
-“Oh don’t do that, it was great! Really! No one’s ever licked me like that!” she said, excitedly, and I believed her.
-“No it’s… the condom broke.”
-“Just according to plan, then.” she said, cackling.
I laughed a little. Even though we’d only met twice, I knew she wasn’t one to punch hole in condoms.
-“Doesn’t look like anything’s leaked, though, look… it broke almost at the base.” she said, pointing to the condom, “Don’t worry about it anyway, I’m on the pill.”
-“No I mean, I have herpes, remember?”
-“Oh… yeah.” she said, starting to pull her clothes on again. “But it’s not inflamed at the moment so it’s not as contagious, right?”
-“From what I’ve heard and read the risk is lowered, yeah, but there’s still a risk.”
-“Well… can’t do much about it now.” she said, taking a big gulp of water and then a drink from her cider.
-“I suppose not.” i said, glancing at her cute little butt as she bent over to put on her jeans. She noticed me looking, and smiled.
-“Don’t just look at it, come get it!”
On the way over to her, i took a drink from my beer, and put it down again. Before she had her pants all the way up, i put my hand under her chin, my thumb and index finger on each side of her face and pulled her into a kiss. With my other hand i reached into her panties and slid a finger inside her. She was swollen, and wet anew already. The feel of her and the sound of her moan against my lips almost made me harden again. She broke the kiss, took my hand and placed my finger, now wet from her, on my lips, urging me to taste her again. I obliged. She whispered softly in my ear.
-“You really like the taste of my pussy, don’t you?”
I held her gaze.
-“Uh-uh.” I said, slowly. “And when we come home tonight, I’ll lick you until you can’t remember your own face.”
-“Definitely going to let you.” she said buttoning her jeans. “I need a smoke.” and the sexual tension was broken.
-“Yeah, we’ll step outside. I need to pee.” i said, watching her trying to straighten her slightly ruffled hair. Failing, she pulled out a hair band and made a ponytail.
I grabbed some toilet paper and we went outside.