There’s no way for me to ever fully know. This is a one way mirror where consenting adults have the opportunity to be vulnerable in front of an unknown crowd. I bare my thoughts and emotions for you and I can’t even tell if you’re there or not, all I can see are darkened silhouettes if I try looking hard enough. Whoever you are right now reading this, you are one of those darkened figures that gets to silently judge me. And for better or worse, I can feel how much I feed off of that judgement. I can feel how much I care about a stranger’s opinion of me even knowing they probably only thought about me for a moment and then moved on with their lives. I know most of the time you like reading stories on here and imagining them playing out in your head; observing from a distance or maybe putting yourself in one of the character’s shoes. But if you continue reading this, you aren’t an invisible observer anymore. You’re still a darkened figure who I can’t make out their face or even body type, but you know that I know you’re here watching me.
You’re here right now witnessing me being worked up enough that I’m making this post. You’re here right now listening to me begging you to stay and judge me. That’s your main tool of power isn’t it? Giving me your attention or taking it away. I want you to keep reading because I love feeling helplessly vulnerable in front of someone I don’t even know. I want you to keep reading because I want you to feel real pleasure from your position right now.
I’m not always in this mindset, but right in this moment I’m a puddle at your feet. I’m at my desk literally able to feel how wet my panties are while typing this. I’m pathetic sometimes and I know that. I feel honest embarrassment when it comes out but that just drives my body even more crazy. I promise I’m the one in control of my life, I’m the one in control in the bedroom but right now all I can feel from myself is desperation and you get to see it. You get to see how much a random woman probably hundreds or even thousands of miles away from you wants to cum. I’m not here begging for your permission, I’m just humbling myself by letting you see me like this.
I’m here to humiliate my future self when she has to look at this post and decide to delete it or not. I’m not the type to admit certain thoughts. I don’t particularly love that you get to know what I’m thinking in this state. How I keep picturing myself kneeling at your feet kissing the tops of your shoes while letting a hand reach between my legs. You have no right knowing how much I want you to pull my head back by my hair and spit on me. That I want your fingers invading my mouth while I can’t stop my body from convulsing…
I’m sorry, I don’t know if this even counts as erotica but in the moment I just wanted to put these thoughts in writing. Thank you for reading every word and judging me even for just a moment.
I am human. You have my attention because I sensed pain and, as a human, I empathize andfeel compelled to reach out. Even if all I can offer is I hear you. Control is an illusion at best but right now we’re all feeling bogeys lurking just beyond our comfort zone. Things have never been this crazy, at least not everything all at once. We’ll get through it. You’ll get through it. Just the fact that you’re intelligent enough to question things tells me no matter what comes, you’ll handle it. Might not all be fun but you will! Try to redirect you’re thinking when you find yourself worried; even if it’s something esoteric that you can’t quite define. Have fun. Listen to music. If my intuition is totally off I apologize. Just trying to give a fellow traveler some encouragement.