Now you may be thinkin’ my work is pure recreation and non-productive carnal delights but I am dismayed to be the proverbial ants at your picnic, ‘cause darlin’ there been times that my work is Work. Allow me a digression into the most recent event of such laboritude.
My door got kicked in at the most inopportune of times, there I was loungin’ about on my feather bed just about ready to prepare for my night time routine of preparin’ for bed and then loungin’ some more when with a big ol’ crash there standin’ in my door jamb is Ned and Ed Neville, but better known amongst everyone who knows more than nothin’ as the Needle brothers on account of their sharp dispositions; long, pointed noses and straw-coloured, porcupine-lookin hair’. Both Ned and Ed were huffin’ an’ puffin’, seems they’d been in a hurry to see me and on top of it they’d been carryin’ a fair load of bounty cause there under each arm they had sacks stuffed full of what looked like cash, gold coins, jewelry, my goodness anything valuable and you can be assured those sacks had a bunch of it in there. I looked ‘em both up and down, the displeasure at havin’ my door kicked in written plainly all over my wrinkle-free visage. They looked to be dressed for a weddin’ (or a funeral) with fancy dress suits and ties hangin’ loose under their unbuttoned collars and fancy, shined leather shoes that were all dusted up from the hike to my lil’ cabin. “Now what’ll you boys be doin’ ridin’ up into a lady’s domicile in such an uncouth manner while haulin’ a bundle a’ valuables such as those at this hour?” I was full of suspicion for everyone who knows anythin’ knows the Needle bros should be kept at arms reach at the closest and the further the better. Ned, or maybe it was Ed, I never could keep ‘em straight piped up first, still catchin’ his breath he said bold as a butler, “We’s pullin’ up stakes and vacatin’ this dung-hole town and this whole dung-hole state for that matter” at this point his brother chimed in, “yeah, we gone and cashed out any debt owin’ and any cent we had and we got’s ourselves all kitted out an’ we leave this dung-hole tonight!”. I slid to the edge of my mattress and never took my eyes off ‘em, “and what pray tell brought you by my neck of the woods? You boys come to say hello for the first time before you give me your last goodbye?” They looked at each other and then back to me puzzled and then angry, Ned (or Ed) spoke up “hell no, dummy! We came to sample your delights we been hearin’ so much about all these years”, the other joined him, “yeah! We got our nest egg, an’ we wanna’ get a good ol’ proper send off before we blow this burg, now whaddaya say?” I sat a moment an’ let em’ stew in the silence. I knew all that cash and coins and gold I saw in them sacks was misappropriated and this would be nothin’ but trouble but on the other side I could very plainly see they had more than enough to cover my fair and legitimate rates each of them regardless of what they wanted to do. So I slipped on a smile that’d tempt ol’ St. Peter himself off his stool outside the pearly gates and talked numbers an’ they didn’t so much as nod or so much as say go but instead quick as a flash they were half out of their fancy clothes and on top of me. Now I only had a sheer gown since that is my normal evening attire and they were through with that in a blink and before you know it there they had me in the middle of the floor, one on each end just barrelin’ away like a coupla’ log cutters workin’ a two man saw, an’ boy they were strong for such wiry boys, tall an’ strong, I was up on my toes bent between ‘em and didn’t have much of a say in what was goin’ on between the three of us. I tried workin’ my hands around to work on whichever one had me from the front but he was havin’ none of that, quick as a whip he had my wrists an’ pulled my arms up way high in a most uncomfortable manner. Now this was a fine pickle I was in, the two of ‘em spitroastin’ me an’ I’m suspended between both o’ their long, skinny members workin’ in perfect time, one goes in an’ the other out back an’ forth. Then I hear ‘em snickerin’, I can’t see it but I can hear it in their voices, they’re smilin’ and talkin’ the meanest talk in the happiest tones I ever heard. They’re callin’ me every name in the book, the most degradin’ stuff they’d heard an’ we hadn’t discussed anythin’ of the sort! I tried to get my feet a little more planted on the ground to reassert myself but whichever one was at my backside gave a swift, sharp smack to it and lifted me right back up so barely my big toes could glide on the floorboards. All the while they’re talkin’ an’ pantin’ an’ gigglin’ an’ I’m as tolerant a lady as anyone but even I do have my limits, an’ then they surpassed my limits. I hear the one behind me snicker an’ say, “whaddaya think, is she everything they said she was?” an’ the other says, “naw! Gosh! She ain’t no better’n that lil’ floozy down by the Parker’s farm, an’ she musta’ been half this ol’ cows age an’ put up twice the fight!”. They both snickered, he continued, “is this one worth anythin’? I reckon’ we don’t even leave her with two bits after this lame showing” and they both snickered again. I saw red. I tell you, no one, now. Not. One. Livin’. Soul. Has ever cheated me, ever. An’ I was not about to be cheated by a coupla’ no-sense, no-good, no-class, thievin’, violatin’, scoundrels, no sir, no ma’am!
At this point I found myself in a slight predicament, physically, but once I’d taken a second to clear my head an’ the rage was put down I knew what to do (a second more an’ I would’ve chomped right through that fool assaultin’ the front of me). Instead of fightin’ an’ kickin’ an’ bitin’ instead I let my throat get real loose and used my tongue to invite that fella’ at the front all the way down, an’ at the back I tensed my muscles and used those perfectly-toned thighs of mine to really get him squirmin’ and in just a few seconds there they went, blowin’ out all the energy an’ fight they might’ve had in ‘em an’ there you go, my feet are firmly on the floor and my arms are free and both of ‘em are moanin’ an’ steppin’ back to clear their heads. Of course, their heads were not my first concern, no no, my first concern was their scrotums, an’ boy, did I get me a fistful of each o’ their scrotums an’ I gave the most heroic of pulls, so hard in fact I brought their idiot heads together above me in a loud, hollow coconut sound an’ down they went. Now was the time to start with the kickin’ an’ the stompin’ an’ I tell ya, I stomped the daylights outta’ those Needle boys, I stomped ‘til I knew they had no fight left in ‘em an’ then I squatted over Ned (or maybe it was Ed) and deposited his brothers seed all over his face and then I went to Ed (or possible Ned) and let his brothers seed pour outta’ my mouth all over his face. Then I grabbed my big ol’ muck-walkin’ boots an’ pulled em’ on an’ booted each of ‘em straight out the door an’ into the night. An’ there they lay, cryin’ heavin’ in breaths, tangled up an’ wretched. I fetched my trusty ol’ Remington an’ pointed straight at ‘em, the tangled, slimy mess they were and told ‘em, “if I so much as catch scent of you boys round these parts again, y’all’ll be pushin’ up daisies with them lil’ needle peckers o’ yours, get it? Now git” I fired past ‘em into the dirt an’ they were off, hobblin’ to who-knows-where pale an’ naked an’ terrible as the day they joined this world. I closed the door an’ grabbed their fancy clothes an’ tossed ‘em in the fire, it had died down in all the excitement. An’ with that I set about inventorying the goodies they’d brought me, in the glow of their burnin’ finements I counted at least double my usual fares. Now of course that made sense to me, hazardous work should be fairly compensated accordingly and never let it be said my work is without it’s hazards. It is not, after all, pure recreation and non-productive carnal delights.
Source: reddit.com/r/Erotica/comments/hikb1x/esmalee_and_the_nasty_needle_bros