*Knock Knock*
You look up in surprise. You were not expecting a late night visitor.
You put down your drink and walk towards the door. Your footsteps creek on the old wood floors of the hotel you are residing in tonight. You look through the peep hole and glimpse a maids uniform.
“I don’t need room service,” you say as you walk back towards your chair.
*Knock Knock*
“I don’t need room service,” you say a bit louder as you take a seat.
You listen for the departing footsteps but none come.
You hesitate a moment before getting up and walking towards the door.
You look through the peep hole again and see the maid is carrying something.
You open the door slightly and say, “How may I help you?”
“Your order has arrived sir,” the maid says, “May I come in and place it for you accordingly?”
You open the door wider and gesture her in perplexed by the situation.
She walks towards the vanity on the left side of the room and places the enclosed object carefully on it.
“Would you like me to open it for you sir?”
You gesture her with your hand and stand against the wall parallel to her. She is no taller than five feet with shoulder length brown hair. It falls straight sheilding her face from your view.
She begins to unwrap the box. First carefully unwrapping the bow. You begin to notice the zipper of her uniform begins to fall in the same motion. As she unwarps the wrapping paper her dress falls of her shoulder unveiling the pale milky white skin hidden underneath. As she finishing unwrapping the box her dress falls to the floor pooling around her ankles.
She now stands in a simple set of black lingerie that accentuates her petite frame.
She looks up as you shly. Her blue eyes catching yours.
“Shall I continue?” she questions.
“You may,” you answer cooly as you begin to cover distance between the two of you.
(————————————————————————————————————–)
I’ve always wanted to write erotica and with all the free time I have I thought why not. Here’s a snippet of a scene I’m starting!
I’d love any and all criticism!
Source: reddit.com/r/Erotica/comments/ftco8v/mysterious_guest
I find this conceptually pretty interesting and I think it’s off to an awesome start!
A couple suggestions, if this is part of a longer piece:
– It might be helpful to set the scene a little more before the knock. Maybe describe the protagonist seated by the antique coffee table taking an expert sip of his wine, and give us some details on that. (Is he drinking a 1969 Bordeaux out of a crystal wine glass ? Or Franzia boxed wine out of a coffee mug?) I know it seems silly to put that level of detail into erotica but it can really help establish the mood, something I see you’re already doing a little of by describing the wood floor, etc.
– I also think slowing down the description of how unwrapping the gift corresponds to her clothes coming undone would help build the tension a little. Perhaps at first he only notices that her zipper is partly undone, and at first isn’t sure whether it was like that when she came in but then notices it move of its own accord as she tugs gently on the bow.
I like where this is going and I’m looking forward to seeing more!