We met on Grindr. We exchanged a few messages before deciding to meet up. He wanted to blow off some steam and asked if I’d be interested in helping. We meet at the location he told me. I get into his car. It was awkward at first because it was a first time for both of us, meeting up with a guy to hook up. “So…. I don’t know how to go about this…” He says to me. “I don’t either….” I lean in and kiss him, he starts unbuckling his belt. We broke apart so he could pull his pants and boxers down. We start making out, and I start stroking his cock. When he got hard I went down and started sucking on the head. I bobbed my head lightly, continuing to stroke what I couldn’t fit in my mouth. He moans breathily, encouraging me to keep going. I suck a little harder and take more of his cock in my mouth. He starts stroking my back. I bob my head faster, and he starts grabbing my ass. “You’re so fucking hot” he breathes, sliding his index finger in my ass. I suck harder and bob my head even faster, jacking his shaft. He starts grabbing my ass harder. His breathing getting faster. “Oh, fuck. I’m close. I’m gonna cum. Oh god I’m cumming.” His hot, sweet load fills my mouth slowly. I suck him dry. He pulls his pants up and says to me as I’m getting out “I’ll be seeing you later.”
Source: reddit.com/r/sexystories/comments/fs4ace/mm_giving_a_married_man_head_in_a_parking_lot
this is my first time writing erotica. criticism welcome
It’s a good start – the storyline is good, and you also have good grammar and punctuation. But you need to do a little more build up and expound on some details. For the sake of argument, almost every sentence could be a short paragraph.
Aside from “it’s our first time on a hookup app,” there’s nothing in here saying why it’s important readers know he’s a married man. Is he anxious about the cheating factor? Is he confident, like “yeah, it’s cool, I just have to blow off some steam”? Is he saying that there’s something up with his spouse (illness, deteriorating relationship, distance, responsibilities, etc.) that makes him need to look for a hookup elsewhere?
And how does the MC feel about that? Does he get turned on by hiding a secret affair? Does it make him feel guilty? Does he not care one way or another because just needs to get sucked off, period?
You should make every detail have a reason for existing. Especially in erotica, where your prose has to keep the focus on the sexy parts but not feel choppy. Everything counts.