It had been sometime since the last flurry of text messages that had sent both of them into a heated flurry rife with lust and other salacious emotions. Tonight though would be different it seemed, as I checked the blinking text notification that my phone seemed so eager to chirp about, lips curling into a smirk, and yet a spark of electricity ran up spine, those simple words "On my way…" that stood out started a chain reaction that ended with a pang of arousal to take root in mind's hold. It seemed what had innocently began as flirting, teasing, and sultry discussion had turned into a firestorm of lust that seemed intent on consuming all in its path, its heated embrace made all the more apparent when that small rap upon the door echoed loudly in the dim quarters of the living room, breath almost faltering in its steady pace when it became apparent that She had arrived. The corner of faint crimson lips curled into a smirk as the door was opened to reveal her smiling face, though a hint of sultriness seemed to glimmer in those brown eyes, a fact made all too real when those fuckable lips of her's curled into a smile that mirrored that of the Cheshire cat.
Teasing pleasantries broke the almost awkward silence that had taken root at first sight, but that all came to a halt the moment, the door was closed and the warm glow of faint orange light once again took over the dim living room. The click of the lock's bolt was followed by his large hands suddenly grasping upon alluring curves of flared hips, fingertips digging into the soft skin while thin lips crushed against her soft tiers, delving the velvet blade of tongue into warm cavern of her mouth, her own tongue curling around his own in a sordid dance of escalating sensations. He thrilled at the feeling of those small fingers digging into the exposed tan flesh of sprawling back, his own fingers sliding over the perch of her hips to curl upon the curvature of heart shaped ass, the kiss deepening the moment fingers had locked upon shapely curve, and a deep growl echoed from joined lips. A gasp of breath hung between the both of them when the kiss was almost reluctantly broken off, the hint of sultry desire that had glimmered in those honey brown depths of her's had all but ignited into a fiery display, it had been days of constant back and forth teasing and theoretical play, but now it had evolved into something much more feral.
The faint thud of her slender back arching against the wall echoed forebodingly, one of his hands had risen from its claiming grasp upon that rounded ass to splay against the wall, his wrist brushing against her cheek while his own chestnut brown hues never once took their gaze of her's, teasing words that were brazen exchanged between the both of them, the locked gaze never once faltering until a soft dulcet cry caught in her throat with the sudden grasp of his fingers in those silken tresses. The broad expanse of his chest pressing against those perky breasts that had hardening nipples adorning their peaks, his warm breath could be felt teasing along the subtle line of her throat, lips teasingly kissing here and there, but never truly lingering on one spot, until the pearled edges of teeth raked against that fluttering pulse held in the hollow of her throat, growling and biting down lightly upon it, as if trying to capture within maw's hold, the fingertips of unoccupied hand had long undone the ties to flimsy loose skirt, the slinky material allowed to pool around her feet, exposing those hip hugging lace boy shorts that she seemed poured into.
The soft blade of his tongue teased along her throat till finally once again, their lips met in another deep kiss, forcefully taking lead by thrusting his tongue deeper at the same time, fingers curled into the band of panties and without warning, and the sound of lace being shredded were torn asunder, the remnants of which fell to the floor unceremoniously, the kiss once again ended, though this time the pearled edges of his teeth bit down upon her bottom lip with a playful tug, her own fingers nervously shaking as they insistently tugged upon the ties to the pants that hung upon his hips, their rough material was all that was between her and the bare flesh that she wanted to feel against herself, the cool air raking across his flesh the moment the pants fell and were forgotten, smirking playfully at the soft gasp that floats from her hips when the fact that he had not worn anything under became apparent, the silken tresses of her hair still locked in his grasp, forcing those beautiful brown depths to stare up into his own eyes. It seemed that neither one of them at first would make the next move, other than when her top fell to the floor, bare skin against bare skin, faltering breath falling from their lips before finally the tension was once again removed when his large hands forced her upon knees, her lips grazing upon chest and stomach before finally there were a mere breath from the awakening shaft of his cock.
A deep growl of anticipation echoed from depths of throat as he gazed down upon her, fingers that were once tangled tightly into those soft strands, had now insistently curled upon the back of her head, bringing those fuckable lips against the swelling tip of cock, shuddering at the sensation that seemed to rocket up spine and ebb throughout body, those satin boughs that were her lips forced to part by a thrust of hips, her own fingers seeking purchase upon hips, while lips slid down the burgeoning shaft that was his cock, their red tiers forced apart wider as they slid down further; warm dripping caress of velvet tongue could be felt upon the vein that ran along underside of throbbing shaft, another deep growl of pleasure escaping past parted lips when it became apparent that she could not go any further, her small fingers digging into hips as if to protest, the flared crown of his cock teasing at the spongy unyielding entrance to slender throat, yet she could feel the first drop of pre-cum spill out parted slit and achingly slow slide down her throat.
Her nostrils flared in attempt to seek precious breath as she pulled back, leaving a glistening trail of spittle and his leaking arousal to adorn what was once soft shaft, the veins that sprawled underneath the tautly drawn canvas of flesh that adorned cock could be felt against tongue's play upon his cock. He could not seem to take his eyes that had long since glassed over with raw unadulterated desires at the sight of her lips now eagerly sliding up and down his cock in almost sloppy and tantalizingly slow rhythm, her lips coming close to the base of his cock with every downwards stroke, while the soft pads of her fingers cupped the hanging sacs that were filled to the brim with thick cum that had not been allowed to pour out in weeks. Her fingers tugging and rolling the balls held within his sac's hold with every stroke of her lips, shuddering when she would pause at the tip to teasingly drag & roll the flat of her tongue upon engorged crown that had long since turned a deep maroon, while veins stood out prominently upon cock's length.
A obscene, wet "POP" echoed loudly as his hips pulled back, allowing cock to slip free of her lips eager feasting, another thick dollop of pre-cum spurting out to coat her lips before she was forced back up against the wall, only this time, the cold kiss of the bare wall could be felt upon her achingly hard nipples that adorned perfect tits. His breath spilling down the back of her neck gave way to another claiming bite upon the subtle line of her slim shoulder, while the swollen length of cock nestled itself insistently into the valley of perfect cheeks that was her ass, every resounding beat of heart within his chest brought another leaking of arousal that teased at her folds that were eagerly splayed in anticipation of what was to come.
Her hands allowed to splay upon the wall while his hands rested upon flared hips, the cold wall teasing against her nipples with every sway of her tits as she was forced to stick her ass out further, the faint glow of light in the room played enticingly upon her tan skin, while flared crown of cock once again kissed against swollen outer folds of her now dripping cunt, teasingly dragging crown of cock along them until flared tip reached that bundle of nerves that was her clit that so eagerly peeked out from its hood, smirking as her hips explode into a needy writhing that seemed intent on burying his cock deep into her molten depths, whether he wanted it or not. Those pleading undulations were coupled with temptous words that attempted to goad him into ending her torment, their desires answered as his hips pulled back until flared edge of cock was once again pressed upon splayed folds and with one deep thrust, he sank deep into her cunt.
Her molten inner walls instantly came alive once his cock began its rough thrust forward into near virginal tight depths, clamping down almost painfully upon the thickened shaft that was now buried to the hilt in her flooded pussy, the pitter patter of her arousal that leaked from folds and down thighs to land upon the floor in spattering drops could barely be discerned in between the animalistic groan and moans of pleasure that escaped their lips, the sound of his hips coming to crash against her upturned ass with every deep stroke filled the room, their coupling soon finding a steady rhythm that would bring his cock's unforgivingly hard tip to almost bottom out within her tight depths that so eagerly milked pistoning shaft. His hanging sacs that were once enjoying the soft pads of her fingers now came to slap against her swollen clit with every downward stroke, those splayed pussy lips forced to stretch thin around his cock with every insistent, almost brutish thrust that he could deliver.
A loud "SLAP" resounded off the room's walls when his large hand came down upon the curve of her ass, fingers splaying wide upon heart shaped perch to leave blazing red marks, the sharp cry of pain and pleasure that escaped from her lips upon hand's crash on her ass was forced to erupt again as another slap was delivered upon the other soft cheek. It was apparent that the past few days of temptous back and forth had led to this near animalistic rutting, every jarring thrust would bring those perfect handful of tits to kiss against the cold wall, while her cheek was forced to press against it for support, hair that had long become unkempt and messy from sex, spilling to mask her eyes that would roll back into the darkened depths of her head. Their attempt to veil the raw vision of pleasure that was painted upon her beautiful face was brought to a short end as once again his hand buried deep into the soft tresses, forcing her head back from the wall, while her fingertips dug into the wall for support, grunting with heavy breath that would bring cock nearly escaping from now soaked folds to surging forward until it crashed against back depths, loving the sight of her long legs forced to spread wider upon the floor with every thrust that would nearly bring her to those knees.
It had been far too long since the dripping, wet, warmth and tightness of her cunt had been felt around his cock, something made apparent by the heavy weight of the balls that hung from cock's vein gnarled root, almost a months’ worth of pent up jizz was held in their tightening hold, while his lungs began to falter in ragged breaths, the tell-tale sign that fight for control against the building pressure of pleasure was beginning to take its toll. Her own thighs quivered between every clash of their hips, obscene sounds of squelching wetness was coupled with every thrust that brought his veiny cock to crash against the defiant back wall of her cunt, glistening gossamer strands of pre-cum and her silky juices hung precariously from folds that were stretched whorishly thin around cock's base, grasp upon those long dark strands of hair tightened while hips began to feverishly crash against her in sharp, deep thrusts, strokes that had once been from tip to base had faded into rhythmic grinding. Her words of encouragement to feel the warm splash of cum deep within her needy cunt spilled unabashedly from those lips that had been wrapped so perfectly upon cock's thickness, her own near demise could be felt by the rhythmic clamps of molten inner walls, their hearts racing until finally the last reins of control broke and the inevitable eruption took hold.
She could feel the sudden swelling of veins that sprawled and studded the nearly eight steely hard inches of cock, that large vein that ran along the underside of unwavering turgid shaft swelled while his sacs that were filled with cum clenched inwardly upon cock's root, sending a thick wad of scalding warm cum to explode from parted slit adorning crown to wash her inner depths in a wave of sticky, hotness. Her owns walls exploding in near simultaneous orgasm, allowing a torrent of warm honey to flood around his now erupting cock, every swell & shuddering throb of his cock would bring another thick rivulet of cum that poured into her orgasm ridden cunt, those walls that had skillfully clamped and tugged upon pistoning cock, now helplessly awash in shudders that only further ensured every last bit of his cum was poured into upturned cunt, his fingers curled into her ass and hair as if seeking support, while her own long legs faltered and they fell to the floor in a crumpled mess. The last of their orgasm fading into nothing, and the rampant smell of wild feral sex hung in the air, his lips pressed against the back of her neck while they struggled to catch their precious breath, the wet lewd sound of his cock slowly slipping free of cum filled cunt broke the silence of ragged breath, and she could feel the warm spill of jizz down her thighs.
Source: reddit.com/r/sexystories/comments/2mx026/mf_temptous_rendevouz
Would love any thoughts or critique!
I’m really sorry to say this, but this is plain awful. I’m not saying you don’t have writing ability, but if you do, to find it, you’re going to have to stop *trying to write* and just tell the damn story. You use words that I don’t think you grasp the actual meaning of. You hit the reader with a torrent of description that does nothing but overwhelm and confuse. Simplify, simplify, simplify! Tell us the story like you, an actual person, are telling this to a friend. Just convey the information. Sometimes less is more, and in this case, a whole lot less is a whole ton more! You can argue that this is your "style," but I’m telling you, straight up, it won’t reach people. It’s not arousing. It’s too dense, too cluttered. There’s not a whole lot that happens here. From what I can gather, some guy and some woman text each other, meet up and fuck. You spend all of you time over-describing the intricacies of the sex itself. It’s not sexy without context! Who the heck are these people?? Are they having an affair? How old are they? What do they do for a living? What do they even look like? There’s no actual story here, no characters, and nothing at stake for either of them. You could edit this story down into one short paragraph and communicate the same amount of information. Sorry to be harsh. I never want to discourage someone from expressing himself creatively. If you want constructive criticism, however, strip your story-telling down to the bone (no puns intended). Get raw, real and direct. Eliminate every unnecessary word. Be as minimalist as you can. And, have an interesting, sexy, and compelling plot. Let that drive the story instead. I’ll give you this: there are some intriguing phrases, some potential out-of-the-box description that, if used *selectively,* and with extreme discipline, could make for some evocative and compelling imagery. Anyway, hopefully you find this helpful. Sorry I can’t be more complimentary. I see what you’re trying to do, you’re just trying too hard. Keep doing what inspires you.
Perfect, this is what I like to hear :) I will take another crack at it this weekend with your critique.