His stomach was a mix of excitement and fear, and it was impossible to untangle the two. There was a good showing of people out tonight. Smoke, alcohol and high pitched laughter wafting around through the air. The light turned green and he stepped out with the waiting crowd off the curb to cross the street. Part of them, but apart. His hands and feet were buzzing. Am I really doing this? He looked eagerly at each person who walked past him, trying to tease out their secrets in a glance. What’s YOUR story? Because he was sure that everyone had one.
This was it. Hand on the cold door handle, the pit of his stomach dropped to his feet. I am walking into a gay bar. I can do this. This is who I am. One deep breath and he pulled door open and stepped inside. There was the usual clinking and chatter going on like any bar anywhere, and there were both men and women. There were so many more men though, cute men. Did I really just think that to myself without freaking the hell out?… Yes, lots of cute men. After he got past the smell of beer and transient smoke from outside, he could smell that the room was full of men too. It made him giddy.
Scotch in hand he found a quiet area where he could look around and sat down. Okay. Having a drink at the gay bar. Everyone here KNOWS. They KNOW. And it’s okay. Deep breath, and another swig. Letting the fiery drink start to take him he swayed with the music just slightly in his seat. Two more drinks and an uncountable number of songs later, he was still sitting there, quietly buzzing, and quietly thrilled that he was there. I’m out.
Mr. TallDarkAndHandsome from across the bar had been looking over at him on and off for a while. Mr. stood up and came over, never breaking eye contact, a slight smile on his pretty mouth. Oh. My. God. This is happening.
“Hey, I’m Nick.” Thick, strong fingers extended.
“I’m James.” A shy smile. James couldn’t hear himself saying his own name, his heartbeat was too loud in his own ears. Nick’s hand felt electric when he touched it.
Nick slid down in the chair opposite, smirked and said “Mind if I have a seat?”
“Not at all.” James’ hands were on the table next to his drink, playing with a small, cool smudge of condensation. Scared to look up. Deep breath. You can do this.
Nick’s eyes were breathtaking, piercing and blue. Nick smiled again.
“Is this your first time here James?”
“Is it that obvious?”
Nick let out a low, short giggle. “Afraid so.”
James, slightly caught out, couldn’t think of what to say, but he knew wanted to hear that giggle again. I’ll tell that joke that everyone at lunch liked. He looked up to launch into his joke but was caught again by Nick’s eyes and couldn’t speak. Nick brushed his fingers with his own and made him jump a little. There was a string of How old are yous? What do you dos? And a few political quips exchanged. James felt more confident. He could do this. And this was fun.
“So do you want to come hang out at my place?”
Jolt. Straight through his groin. James caught his breath. “Yes.”
Nick flashed his grin again and stood up. His flat was only six blocks away. An easy walk he said.
James was alive, every cell singing. Outside, in the dark with this strange, gorgeous man. Brushing up against him slightly as they walked. Every little laugh of Nick’s felt like magic, like a drug.
Nick held open the door and James stepped in. Before Nick could even set down his keys James was unbuttoning his shirt, exposing his hairy chest. Nick let out a low chuckle and started to help undress him. His big, hard, warm hands felt so different than women’s hands. Quick, sure and not at all shy.
After the first kiss James could no longer think. All he could do was run his hands over Nick’s chest again and again, and taste the salt of his mouth. He felt dizzy.
Nick took James’ cock in one hand and a fist full of his James’ hair in another. He looked him deep in the eyes. “Do you want me to take you?”
“Yes.”
James was practically panting. Nick positioned him on the bed, a bit on his side, one leg bent. James had the pit of excitement and fear in his stomach again when he felt Nick climb onto the bed behind him. He caught his breath. Nick entered slowly, letting the pressure build.
James could have cried. It felt so good. So good to be taken. To have this big sweaty man over him, dominating him, inside of him. There is a man’s cock inside of me! He didn’t realize how much he was moaning. Quivering, James looked over his shoulder at Nick. Nick no longer had a smirk and as they locked eyes Nick pushed himself fully inside and stayed still a moment. He bent down over James and kissed him and started to grind him slowly. Fear gone, James responded by thrusting his hips up to take Nick stroke for stroke. It’s so good. They were both moaning now, arms braced firmly against the headboard as Nick thrusted again and again. Nick reached down and began to stroke James in time to each thrust, feeling James get tight around him. Pulsing and throbbing as deep as he could go, Nick finished inside and collapsed in a sweaty heap. After a few moments he pulled himself out and took off his condom. His cock was covered in cum. James immediately sat up and took Nick into his mouth, moaning again. They laid, sweaty and spent just breathing for at least a half an hour.
“Thanks.” James stirred and smirked. His stomach clenching with nerves again as Nick met his eyes.
“My Pleasure.” Nick said and really meant it.
James stumbled around finding his clothes. I did it. And it was fucking amazing! Nick watched him through half closed eyes on the bed. James smiled sheepishly, “See you around then?”
“I hope so.”
James walked back to the bar. Relaxed. At ease. No butterflies at the door handle. Ordered another scotch, listened to the music, and smiled the first real smile of his life.
This was very confusing from the beginning because it kept switching from first to second person. Didn’t get past the second paragraph