about my dark desires… (non con)

When I am with men, I feel everything in two layers. I want to be loved, I want everything to be sugar coated.I want them to buy me flowers and I want them to pet my hair. I want them to shower me with compliments. I want everything to be perfect and I want to be his perfect little girl. I want love. And I want it to be as innocent as it can be.
But a layer under this silly dreams of a stupid little girl I want something else. Something darker.
I want them to use my stupid desires for love against me.
I want them to abuse me.
I want this done to me while we are doing the greatest act of love humans can do.
I want them to tell me that they really don’t care about me. That they hate me for asking about their day and that they hate needing to buy me flowers. I want them to be mad at me. I want them to hate me.
Nothing turns me on more when a man, who I thought loves me, forces his hand over my body and into my pants. When he pinches my nippels, after I told him no. My pussy gets so wet, when he shuts my complains down with a slap on my face and his hand over my stupid mouth.
I can feel the lust awaking in me, when I think about him forcefully removing my pants. I want him to not care about my cute lingerie, just pushing it to the side. And with that, presenting the whole world my deepest wishes by showing my pink and wet pussy to everyone who wants to see it.
I want men to laugh at me and my tears. Telling me that they really didn’t care about me the whole time.
I want their hard cocks rubbing against me. I want them to forcefully open my legs. I want them to tell me, that i am stupid for wanting to be pure. That I have to give them something back, if I want them to be nice to me.
My legs get shaky, if i think about their dicks jumping out of their pants while i can’t fight them off. I want to feel powerless and small when they push me down.
I want them to tell me that they hate me, when they push their thick hard cocks inside my tiny and pure pussy. Don’t care about my screams. Don’t care if they are hurting me. Don’t care about my purity.
I want them to use me.
I want them to pound me hard and show me that they really don’t care about me.
I want them to laugh at me and forcefully shoot their cum inside me while I cry.
I am so fucking wet.

(this is fictional! also english is not my first language, so forgive me any mistakes i might have made)

Source: reddit.com/r/Erotica/comments/xtlt5v/about_my_dark_desires_non_con