Decided to give writing erotica a chance tonight and wrote the beginning of something. Would love feedback :)

I usually seem to have a lot more sex in the winter. Erin jokes that I don’t actually like men or sex, I just like body heat. But let me share with you this, dear reader – we are approaching the summer of 2022 and I am in love, falling deep in warming truth. And making sweet love in the warmest portion of the year is far more erotically enchanting than being rage-fucked by an aggressively horny stranger in the bleak of December.

Though that is what Alfie was at first and that first night was leg tremble-inducing, both the weather and sex continued to get better. But right from the beginning he’s always kissed me with intention – the meeting of his lips and tongue on mine telling me that he’s here with me in more ways than just physically. The veins embossing through the skin on his forearms, when holding my waist as he thrusts into my wet, splashing water play. He holds me with a force so captive, so controlling, it’s imprinted into my desire, a hunger that can only be satiated, by him.

Source: reddit.com/r/Erotica/comments/uh7cqz/decided_to_give_writing_erotica_a_chance_tonight

7 comments

  1. Damn this is hot and well written. Only thing I’d change is maybe the phrase wet splashing water play and maybe make the details and specific more intimate.

  2. Not bad for a first try.

    One thing is to maKe your genders clear. All the names you use have ambiguous genders. Also, this is written in the first person. Need to know who ‘I’ is.

    In short, don’t assume anything about what the reader knows.

  3. Love it. My husband and I write stories to each other as a way to introduce new things into the bedroom. It’s fun so keep writing!

  4. Really good start! I’d read more. My only feedback right now is that I wouldn’t use the term ‘wet, splashing water play’. You kinda lost me there.

    But good job, hopefully we see a full story from you soon :)

  6. I love your use of descriptors. Let’s face it, there are only so many ways to say “he put his X in my Y”. The imagery your words created made me feel the love as opposed to the “sex”.

    I also agree with the use of “water play”. In the kink community, water play is something VERY different than talking about a person who is wet and ready. If you catch my drift.

    Having made this mistake myself, I also second the previous comment about letting the readers know genders. It doesn’t matter if both are men, women, furries, 1 man and 1 woman. Knowing the sex of the characters allows us to feel connected, and allows us to not feel detached from the story. We can mimic the emotions, and put ourselves in there places.

    Overall, VERY good job!!!

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