Microsoft was able to acquire all of the major tech companies in America after bribing Donald Trump during his second term. As a result, all of the world’s assets were under the thumb of Microsoft, all of the assets including men’s penises.
“Microsoft support here, how may I help you?” asked Shikamaru after receiving a call from Sasuke.
“Hey, you motherfuckers, I can’t disable your Windows Update service.” replied Sasuke. “Now, every time I want to fuck Sakura right in the pussy, my dick vibrates and I get a text offering a promo code for wide variety of condoms.”
“Too much information, have a nice day.”
“Hey, you fuck, don’t hang up on me. I need help disabling Windows Update for good. I tried everything, but something keeps turning it on.”
“Sir, Windows is a service, so Microsoft reserves the right to fuck with you.”
“What? Fuck you! Just tell me how to disable it or I will call again and again until you die!”
Suddenly, Sakura’s wet pussy emitted a light which allowed her cybernetic eyes to scan the room, which was full of Microsoft products.
“Sir, I see that you’re a member of Microsoft Home, but your girlfriend is using the Microsoft Home Plus feature of disabling her periods. That’s illegal. I am afraid that we may have to call the cops on you.”
“Hey, wait, what the fuck? That’s not true. She used Google Health to disable that!”
“Sir, that software is deprecated and as you know there was a merger between Microsoft and Google. Because of that, that software is no longer supported by our ecosystem. I am afraid you will have to uninstall the service.”
“No, fuck you, I won’t upgrade to Microsoft Home Plus. Not over my dead body!”
“Massachusetts State Police Department? I am afraid we have a 10-65.”
“Hey, wait, wait! Alright, I’ll upgrade! Do you accept Visa?”
“Visa, what’s that? You mean Microsoft coins?”
“Ok, fuck it, use the remaining Microsoft coins in my crypto wallet.”
“Ok, we’ll use all your savings and fuck you over some more. Have a great day!”
“Fuck you!”
Shikamaru hung up before Sasuke could hang up on him, which made him fume even more.
“Shh, don’t tell anyone, but you can disable Windows Update by installing Acrylic DNS Proxy.” said Naruto. “It’s a proxy that supports a souped up version of the Windows hosts file allowing you to use wildcards, which is necessary to route all of the URLs Microsoft uses to download updates to some bogus IP address.”
“Naruto, is that you under our bed?” asked Sakura.
“Yes, it’s me, but don’t tell Sasuke. He’s gonna kill me.”
“You know I can hear you, you fucking dummy!”
“Oh, shit! I am fucked. Time to run!”
“But wait! Before I fuck you up, could you provide me with the full set of instructions?”
“Yes, there you go.” replied Naruto after he handed the paper spewed out of his ass.
After reading the instructions, a gun sprang out of Sasuke’s toe nail and shot him to death.
“Ah, sweet, it looks like it might work.”
And thus, after following the instructions, Sasuke was able to disable Windows Update for good. The end.
Source: reddit.com/r/eroticstories/comments/rvtn9a/microsoft