The December air was cold as I emerged from the Broadway & 28th subway station onto the streets of New York. Double checking the directions, I nervously began to walk down East 28th street to my destination. There was a good reason for my anxiousness. For you see, today was an incredibly special day for me; I was to visit the headquarters of one of the best actively-managed ETFs in the United States, ARK Invest. Their focus on disruptive, cutting-edge innovation investment had captivated me six months ago when, hungry for exposure to the hot action in emerging industries, I noticed their inordinately large exposure to TSLA and many other companies. The fact that they also had a trailing return that was over double a traditional boomer benchmark was also incredibly arousing.
Excited by the dual prospect of exposure to up-and-coming companies and busty returns, I decided to buy into ARKK, and now sat at a princely 60% return-on-investment since entering. I was filled with hot feelings of gratitude, and owed it all to the wisdom of one special woman; Cathie Woods, founder and CEO of ARK Invest. Overcome with these feelings, I tweeted a picture of my portfolio value to her and a message of thanks for her forward-looking investments and a wish for continued success.
To my shock, she sent me a direct message thanking me for my feelings and congratulating me on my success. “It makes me happy that it isn’t just those big, stuffy hedge funds that are buying ARKK. / Even small portfolios can benefit from our unique approach to investing.” Our conversation continued along those lines, until once again Cathie delivered another massive shock; “I’ve been thinking about having a press release with retail investors, to show off investors like you as examples of the micro success of our strategies. / Would you be interested in coming to our office for the ARKK experience?” How could I turn down an invitation from my personal idol? I sold some of the SPY shares I was holding, since they were barely doing anything, and booked a ticket to JFK at once.
And now here I was, standing in front of the offices of the woman who would make my wildest investment fantasies come true. I braced myself and entered the fairly unassuming building. With no elevator, I was forced to climb seven flights of stairs and with each flight, my anxiety only grew. Was this all some sort of sick joke by an intern running Cathie’s Twitter account? Would I arrive and be laughed at for being the dude who had to bandwagon off smarter people because I couldn’t do my own investing? By the time I reached the top of the stairs, my tension was at its peak. I hesitated before the door, but decided that after all, you only live once. If I was being jerked around, I would take my jerking like a man.
Entering the reception room, the young man sitting at the reception desk glanced up at me with a bored look. “Good morning, what can I do for you today?” Feeling slightly embarrassed, I told him that I was here for the micro investors conference organized by Cathie Woods. As I said that, his expression shifted and he straightened up. “By any chance, are you Mr. **********?” I said that I was. “Please have a seat, Ms. Woods has been anxiously awaiting your arrival.” Taking a seat, I decided to kill some time calling people in my favorite options gambling server stupid for not understanding the fundamental rule of buying low and selling high. While doing so, I noticed that the receptionist was stealing inquisitive glances at me over the desk, and even calling people retarded ended up being unable to assuage my worries.
Just as I considered getting up and leaving, she appeared. Sporting a subdued gray wool sweater and black pants, Cathie strode into the reception room. Tossing her cropped auburn hair, glasses glinting, she was as magnificent in person as her pictures suggested. Everything about her posture, stride and aura confirmed my intense feelings of devotion for her revolutionary focus on technologically enabled disruption across all economic sectors. Though she was 64, she had the same energy as a woman a third of her age. Only the iron will that I had cultivated diamond handing SPAC plays kept me from kneeling and kissing the impeccably clean Nike™ sneakers of the investing queen. She glanced around the room, locking eyes with me.
“Are you ********?” she asked with a sultry, yet modulated tone that made me feel like I was sinking into a bed of the softest, sweetest marshmallows in the world.
“Y-yes, I am” I said, struggling to overcome the intense feeling I was committing some heinous crime by speaking to such a regal woman. “I’ve come for the investor conference you invited me to, Ms. Woods.”
She smiled with such genuine happiness that it felt like my heart would leap out of my chest. “I’ve been expecting you” she said breathily. “Please follow me.”
Cathie proceeded to give me a tour of the ARK Investing offices, showing off the various stations that ARK employees were busily working out. I saw Bloomberg terminals everywhere filled with charts and symbols, some of which I recognized and some that I didn’t. As we travelled around the office, Cathie explained Ark’s investing strategy with energy and passion that was infectious. Every movement that she made as she breathlessly spoke about identifying innovative companies that could positively disrupt the current economy emphasized her slender form. I felt a rising sense of excitement inside of in me for when the conference began and I could explore every nook and cranny of Cathie’s current asset allocation for ARKK, though I was disappointed that I would have to share such a personal moment with others. Finally, the tour came to an end, and she guided me to the conference room as smoothly as she guided her wise investments.
The room itself was fairly innocuous, with a view of a nearby building lot that had been turned into a small park, a large table, and a projector showing the first slide of a presentation labeled “Strategic Investment Goals for ARKK in the First Quarter of 2021.” As I took it in, I heard the click of a door locking and turned around. Cathie stood in front of the door, a mischievous twinkle in her eyes framed perfectly by her charming glasses.
“Ms. Woods,” I began, slightly confused but equally excited.
“Cathie, please,” she said, still smiling. Blushing a little, I began again.
“C-Cathie, what about the other people who are supposed to be here? They can’t get in anymore.”
She laughed, her voice like water over the clearest crystals. “What others? There are no others. It’s only you and me today.” She began to move towards me.
“Oh really? I feel really happy, but did you need to lock the door? Surely you need to be available in case someone needs to ask for your feelings about, I don’t know, an up-and-coming pet store that uses blockchain technology to track animal health?”
She laughed again. “They know my feelings about that sort of thing,” she whispered, her seductive voice caressing my ears “But right now, I’m more concerned about what you’re feeling.” She was in front of me now, light green eyes penetrating mine.
“I feel excited” I said, trying to calm my rising desire “to hear about ARK’s investment goals for the upcoming quarter.”
Her soft, perfectly manicured hand caressed my thigh, tracing a slow path up my leg towards my belt. “Is that all you’re feeling excited about” she asked, glancing at the rapidly bulging area of my jeans “or is there something else?”
I swallowed nervously, trying to control my nearly unstoppable urge to grab her hand and move it directly over the engorged center of my lust. “I-I guess that I’m particularly excited to hear whether you’re going to be buying some IPOB and QS soon.”
Her hand had reached the buckle now. “Oh? Well,” she said softly “while I can’t divulge the exact equities ARK will be buying for a little while, I can tell you that your sentiments are quite” She leaned in, her breath caressing my ear “similar to mine.”
There could be no more restraining my overwhelming passion. I dropped to my knees and began frantically kissing the tips of her sneakers, so grateful for the opportunity to express my undying devotion to the woman who had mercifully created a multimillion-dollar company to spread her love and investing experience to unworthy ones such as herself.
“Please raise your head, *********.” She said, laughing a little. My senses returned, I frantically scrambled to my feet.
“Ms. Woods I am so sorry” I began, brightly blushing at my lack of control and cursing myself for disgracing myself and my idol in such a way. Still laughing, she sat on the table and, crossing her legs, began to unlace her sneakers. As I stood there in utter shock, she dropped them to the floor and peeled off her socks. Proffering her right foot, she wiggled her toes in a teasing way.
“Come now, ********, wouldn’t you rather do it like this?” she asked, gazing at me with those adorable brown eyes.
I once again dropped to my knees in sublime peace that not only had my idol forgiven me, but had granted me an even greater honor by allowing my unworthy lips to touch her bare feet. Trembling, I brought my lips frantically to bear on her foot and showered them with the purest expression of gratitude I could possibly hope to give. Top, toes, ankle and sole; all received my heartfelt feelings. Cathie arched back her head and began to moan, which only fueled my desperate desire to continue to please her.
My dick was a steel rod, and I only wanted to temper it inside of the woman who would guide me to a wonderful new world of consistently outperforming the market by double digits and perpetual green. With Cathie in charge, there was no way that I would end up having to wage slave until I was well past the Social Security cutoff. I stood up, grabbed her shoulders and pushed her down on the table. My lust could no longer be contained.
“Oh my” Cathie giggled “it seems like you’re really raring to get in on more of ARK’s offerings. By all means, please explore what I have to offer.”
I was beyond words at this point. As she slid off her slim pants and exposed herself, I practically tore my own off in my haste to simultaneously express my overwhelming gratitude and to further sample all that Cathie and ARK had to offer me. I was briefly concerned; would Cathie be disappointed in my size? But as I dropped my jeans to the floor, she gazed at it with a lusty expression.
“You know” she said, reaching out to guide it towards her “neither a company nor a portfolio needs to be big in order to be a surprise.”
My doubts vanished and, consumed by my feelings of gratitude and lust, I plunged straight into her. Immediately I was consumed with the ecstasy of sealing the deal on a bright green future, a pleasure so immense that I let out a cry of pure pleasure. Cathie smiled, her glasses knocked slightly askew by the ferociousness of my thrust, and wrapped her legs around me. Locked by the embrace of her legs I could do nothing else but start thrusting again and again, reliving that ecstasy over and over again with every motion.
Time ceased to exist in any standard form; there was only the grunts and cries of pleasure as our bodies entwined in a primal dance of pleasure and mutual appreciation for what each of us brought to the table; her, the wisdom and record of delivering such stellar results and me, with my devotion to following her. At last, the feelings inside of me came to a massive climax.
“Cathie, I-I…” I gasped in between my thrusts.
“Yes, *****?” She asked, panting with anticipation.
I couldn’t contain myself any longer. Practically screaming in anticipation, I yelled “Cathie, I want to dump all of my retirement holdings into ARKK. Your record is impeccable, and the returns are just too good to ignore. I’m gonna do it, I’m gonna dump it all in your fund!”
Smiling as mischievously as ever, she released prison of her legs right as I mustered the strength for my final push, causing me to pull out of her. I shuddered in ecstasy and a hint of disappointment as my pent-up feelings exploded out over her, before I ungracefully fell to the floor. Above me I could hear her giggling and, craning my head up to her, I saw that she had sat up and had taken off her glasses.
“It makes me so happy,” she said, cleaning them on her sweater “that you feel so passionately about ARK and our investment strategy. However,” and here she put her glasses back on and shot me a kind glance “it isn’t wise to be so over-invested in one particular asset. Even with ARKK, our largest holding for this past month only comprised 10% of the fund’s total value. You shouldn’t become so attached to one particular investment or else you expose yourself to too much risk.”
I began to sob with happiness. Even though I had put my all into that confession, Cathie rejected me, but still accepted and cherished my feelings. She was only trying to look out for my financial wellbeing. Such angelic compassion! Truly, I and everyone else invested in ARKK were undeserving of her wisdom and generosity.
Leaving ARK Investing that evening, after spending many more hours intimately discussing Cathie’s investment strategies, it was hard not to be content. Even now it still feels so unreal that I was able to receive such impressive and deep guidance from a professional of her stature. Upon my arrival back home, I had my ticket stubs from that wonderous trip framed, just so that whenever I fell into doubt with my crippling options and investment addiction, I could glance over at them and feel assured that my idol was watching over me from the seventh-floor suite where I had received such passionate and thorough advising. Truly, it was an investor conference to remember.
Source: reddit.com/r/Erotica/comments/kg9ejm/an_investors_conference_with_cathie_woods