i wrote this story as i am reflecting on my experience as a lesbian, victim of sexual abuse. it is not autobiographical. it is more like a nightmare based on my experience.
technical notes: i take liberties with the practice of ivf and describe a procedure that does not currently exist.
fair warning: this is an honest, realistic depiction of experiencing sexual abuse as a young adult. the character suffers emotional pain throughout, and is passively suicidal. none of that ”the victim learns to love it” bullshit. i do give the character a happy ending where she triumphs over the abuse.
fair warning 2: there is a forced pregnancy, and the use of drugs to make the victim pliable.
—-
She’d just turned eighteen. Just graduated high school, a straight-A student, shy and reserved. She was looking forward to the summer, maybe do a few wild things for the first time, and prepare for college in the fall. Turns out it was a trap.
One night in late June, around eleven, her mother called for her to come up to her bedroom to chat before going to bed. Lola crossed the hall in her pyjamas, still quite relaxed. She would spend hours chatting to her mother and stepfather sometimes, sitting at the foot of the bed. This was not out of the ordinary, and didn’t mean that her mother was having one of those horrible mood swings again. But when Lola stepped into the bedroom, she spotted a warm fake smile on her mother’s face that gave her a twinge of dread. ”Lola, honey. I have something important to talk to you about.” She patted the covers, gesturing for Lola to sit. Her mother glanced at her boyfriend, Lola’s stepfather of five or so years. ”Actually, *we* – Matt and I – have something important to talk to you about.”
Lola glanced up at Matt. She liked the guy – he praised her intelligence, and bought her cool gadgets sometimes. In fact, he’d helped her apply for college. He was younger than her mother – not by too much, but enough that he wasn’t mistaken for her father in public. Matt winked at her, but didn’t smile.
”Everything changes now that you’re eighteen, honey. Are you listening to me?”
Lola turned to face her mother again. Mom stretched out her hand and placed it on Lola’s breast. Weird, Lola thought. But she knew better than to question her mother.
”Before that, you’d toss us in prison if you made a pass at us. Do you get me?” Lola didn’t answer. She had no idea what Mom meant. Mom squeezed her breast, and Lola yelped suddenly.
”Quiet down. What I mean is – now, you can give consent. You’re not a child anymore. The courts wouldn’t know who to believe. Not that you’d try anything like it.” The warmth on her breast from Mom’s hand felt sweaty. Her nipple hardened involuntarily. Her mother withdrew her hand.
”What I’m saying is, Matt and I need to spice it up in here. We’re bored. And we have a big favor to ask you. Which you’ll give me, because that’s how I raised you.” Lola felt a pit in her stomach. She didn’t like where this was going. ”Plus”, Mom said in a stage whisper, ”I got some very bad news about my little girl that made me very upset.”
Lola’s stomach dropped. She stared at her mother. Mom’s smile vanished.
”I found all that research in your phone about lesbians. I’m very disappointed in you. I even found all that disgusting rag porn you read about this perversity.” Lola blanched. The room started to feel very hot, and it seemed as if her mother were suddenly speaking to her from far away.
”I bet you think your little hippie friends will be just fine with that. Maybe you even planned to wave it all in my face, like those fags do? Huh?” Lola’s eyes started pooling tears.
”That’s right. You should be ashamed. Look, believe me, you don’t want this to get out. They won’t accept you. Why would they be interested in being friends with a dyke?” Lola tried to contain a sob.
Her mother softened. She kneeled in front of Lola, squeezed her shoulder, wiped her tears away. ”Hey. Don’t cry. It’s going to be ok. We won’t let this get out. Shh… Come here.” In the back of Lola’s mind, a thought rang very dimly – We? Who’s we? But it was smothered by the wave of relief she felt at being hugged, at not being rejected.
Mom held her in her arms and gently toppled the both of them onto the bed, Lola’s head pressed against her bosom, shaking a little. Lola closed her eyes.
She felt Matt press himself up against her back, reaching out his arms to encircle them in a horizontal group hug. Weird, Lola thought again. But she didn’t say anything. It was as if her whole body were made of liquid stone, her mind suspended in mid-air from the shock of having her secret revealed, from picturing everyone she knew laughing at her and abandoning her. She just focused on slowing her breathing, pressed into Mom’s chest.
Mom slipped her hand under Lola’s pyjama waistband. She cupped her hand over Lola’s underwear, pressing down slightly onto her sex. Lola froze in disbelief. This couldn’t be happening. Then, with her flat palm, Mom started gently rubbing her, back and forth, just the way she’d been caught masturbating before. An electrifying impulse shot through her clitoris. It surprised her, and she felt ashamed.
”What?” Mom chuckled. ”You don’t like this? I thought you were a lesbian. This is the closest you’re ever gonna get to having sex with a girl.” Lola’s cheeks burned. She didn’t want to hear any more talk of herself wanting to have sex with girls, or anyone. It’s at this moment that she became aware of Matt’s erection against her back. Her blood ran cold.
She looked up at her mother, alarmed. Holding her gaze, her mother only slipped her fingers under her underwear and pressed them against Lola’s naked, red-hot cunt. ”You belong to me”, her mother whispered. ”I birthed you. You owe me.” Over her mother’s shoulder, Lola stared at the timepiece on the bedside table. Eleven twenty five. She could feel her pussy get hot and wet, as if isolated from the rest of her body, responding completely in time to the stimulation while her mind went into a twilight state. She heard herself breathing faster and deeper, letting a couple small whines escape.
”You’re not ovulating right now”, Mom said matter-of-factly. ”You’re not due for another eight days.” She spread Lola’s labia with her fingers. ”It’s the perfect time. I want you to be a surrogate for Matt and I’s baby.” Lola crashed into reality. What?
”Yes honey. That’s the favor I need from you. And your presence in the bedroom. I want you to take my egg and get as much seed from Matt as possible. Get pregnant, and help us out in the fucking department for a while. After all, it’s not like you can get pregnant a second time!” Lola squirmed, her body fighting to regain control of her mind. ”And you’ll do it tonight. Or else.”
Or else. Lola understood what that meant. From behind, she felt Matt pull down her pyjamas and underwear, exposing her ass. She tried to scoot out of his reach towards her mother, but Mom only pulled down her pyjamas completely, past her ankles, exposing her legs and her pussy. She realized that she was trapped.
From that point, it all started to happen like in a dream. Mom pushed her shoulder to lay her down on her back. She spread Lola’s knees. She turned to the side table, and squeezed a large glob of jelly from a tube, and started coating Lola’s pussy, slipping a finger inside her vagina. It was getting more slack, and open, as if unlike her mind her cunt was perfectly happy obeying her mother’s orders.
Mom got up from the bed and took a thin, long syringe from the minifridge. She knelt between Lola’s legs, took the syringe and a little tube out of their sterile packaging, screwed the tube onto the end of the syringe, and started gently inserting the thin tube in her vagina. ”This is mommy’s egg”, she instructed cheerfully. Suddenly Lola experienced a weird sensation at the back of her vagina, then she shouted in pain. ”Yes, honey, I’m getting past your cervix. Just relax. I’ll be done in a second.” Lola felt a strange, boney chill as the liquid in which her mother’s egg was suspended spilled into her uterus. Then her mother finally, gently removed the tube, and Lola laid still for a while with her eyes closed, trying to wait out the pain from her cervix.
A hand started to rub her clitoris again. Automatically, her inner thighs started clenching and her breathing grew faster. Then she realized it was Matt’s hand. She cringed, pulling away from him, feeling unmistakably violated, trying to roll onto her side into a ball. Her mother sighed in annoyance and unceremoniously slipped a small pill into Lola’s mouth. ”Just relax. Just try to enjoy a man touching you, for god’s sake.” She felt her mother’s soft hand cup her pussy again. ”It should feel good to get dicked down.” The room started to glow faintly. She was wet, like this was a normal first time, like the way she’d imagined it with a cute girl. She could feel her vagina loosening and expanding, preparing for penetration. Her nipples were hard. Inside her head, her thoughts felt muddy and confused.
All of a sudden Matt was on top of her, pulling up her pyjama top to let her tits spill out. He was staring at them. She felt his erection press against her labia, against the entrance of her vagina, then slipping inside her. She expected it to hurt. Instead, she was bowled over by the pleasure. She felt a rush of hot wetness surge inside her vagina, clenching her whole body when he hit her g-spot and she screamed. The scream, she observed, would normally tell any audience that she was enjoying herself. Was she? But that thought crashed again inside her skull, and her mind went blank, leaving her body empty while it squirmed, moaned and screamed from the pleasure between her legs. It was like watching someone else from the inside, watching her cry out in pleasure like a slut, while Matt slammed into her.
She wasn’t sure how long it lasted. Matt shoved his tongue into her mouth when he came, grabbing her breasts. She felt his hot cum spill inside of her.
—
She woke up in her own bed in broad daylight. She immediately reached down to her sex, checking it, trying to establish that this was a weird dream.
It was sticky. The smell was not her own. There was a man’s cum inside her.
Her heart starting beating wildly. She felt dirty. She felt ashamed. She felt scared. A flash of a memory from the previous night crossed her mind – her, screaming like a whore. The feeling of Matt’s penis inside her. The way she hadn’t fought back against her mother touching her pussy. The shame. She couldn’t let anyone ever hear about this. She must have wanted it, somehow. She deserved this. How could anyone think any different after seeing her lift her hips to rub against Matt’s penis inside her?
She slipped back into bed, staring at the plaster on the ceiling. She wondered abstractly if this might stay secret if she just disappeared suddenly. If she vanished.
She stayed like this for a few hours, fighting back the cringe from memories of her acting like a willing participant while her mother and her stepdad had sex with her. Then she realized. She was supposed to get pregnant, they said. She wouldn’t be able to leave for college.
—
That night Matt and her mother went straight to her room after he came home from work. Mom’s egg would still be viable for one or two days inside her, they explained. She had to let Matt inseminate her another few times to make sure it didn’t go to waste. Mom pulled off the covers from the bed, leaving Lola naked. She’d stayed in bed all day.
Cooing and fawning over her, calling her a sweet girl, Mom slipped her another pill, then got naked and sat on her face. Lola’s mouth and nose were completely covered by her mother’s wet, hairy cunt, and she squirmed trying to breathe. Above her, she could see her mother’s ample breasts hang and her mother staring straight into the middle distance, while moving slowly back and forth across Lola’s face. Hidden from her view, she felt Matt spread her knees, lifting her buttocks to place a few pillows under her hips. He slathered her pussy haphazardly with cold lube, slipping two fingers inside her. He moved them mechanically in and out. It was uncomfortable, but she could feel the heat collecting in her pussy anyway. She was struggling to breathe while her mother rode her face, her mind starting to stumble under the effect of the medication.
She felt Matt’s cock press against the entrance of her vagina. It was betraying her, loose and welcoming as it was, tingling and hot and ready for orgasmic pleasure. He started to fill her up. Her pussy clenched. With her mother rubbing her cunt across her face, howling and squeezing her forehead, she didn’t try to fight him.
Soon he was fucking her again, and within minutes she felt the characteristic sensation of a man ejaculating inside her.
—
She got pregnant, of course. There was no need for a second round. Her mom and stepdad continued to involve her in their sex life, sometimes having sex right beside her in her bed while she was trying to sleep. When she got morning sickness, her mother insisted that it could be addressed with intercourse, for the benefit of the little sister growing inside her. Every groggy morning Lola would awake to a light breakfast in bed, and her mother guiding Matt’s cock into her pussy, rubbing her clitoris. After a few weeks of these sessions, while stupid Matt was heaving away inside her, and her mother was buzzing away at her clitoris with a vibrator, she felt an orgasm build up. She was repulsed.
She tried to suppress it, not to give them the satisfaction of thinking their treatment of her was making her cum.But just as she was fighting it, her mother switched the vibrator to a higher frequency, and her whole body contracted in an irrepressible orgasm. Her leg shot out and kicked Matt while she screamed and he continued to slam away at her little pussy with his dick. When her orgasmic scream subsided, he withdrew himself. Her mother clapped. She kissed Lola’s forehead, telling her she was the perfect big sister, that she was so proud of her for finally having sex the way a girl should. Her pussy still hot and tingling from orgasm, Lola stared at the wall.
—
She had abstract thoughts of throwing herself out of windows, or slipping to her death in the shower. The thoughts didn’t last long. They just clipped through her head sometimes, while she was in the grocery store wearing baggy sweaters in late August, or while she ate cereal. But she was starting to show, and she didn’t want to do anything that could hurt the little sister growing in her belly. She was beholden to her. So she ignored the thoughts, and accepted her mom and stepdad using her room as their personal sex dungeon. She let her mind go blank when she would find herself on all fours, her belly hanging low, her swollen tits bouncing painfully, moaning absently while Matt invaded her pussy with her mother cheering on. She didn’t talk back or take offense when Matt would joke, halfway inside her, that she probably wasn’t a lesbian after all. She shared her mother’s concern that people would judge her as a slut, a teen mom, a whore if she showed her pregnant frame around town. So she stayed inside the house.
The position she hated the most was when her mother and Matt would make her straddle him. She was embarrassed to tears about her huge pregnant belly, her tits twice their normal size, and the way they slammed and jiggled while she bounced on his dick, like an awkward, swollen sex toy. She hated the way it made Matt look at her hungrily, and she hated the way her body was offered up to her mother to stare at.
In the third trimester, she started experiencing irrepressible desires for sex. She dreamed of breasts at night – they’d turn into her mother’s, associated immediately with the feeling of Matt’s cock inside her pussy, his greedy hands grabbing her body, and that overpowering toxic blend of arousal, shame and disgust at herself. She started to orgasm several times per session, even in the most humiliating positions for her, even while she endured sarcastic comments about how quiet she had become, only finding her voice when ”shouting as she got fucked and Mommy pinched her titties”.
—
She delivered at a hospital outside of town. No one asked any questions about a quiet nineteen year-old accompanied by her parents, rolling their eyes at her obvious teenage irresponsibility.
She nursed the baby, and for two months, while her body healed, she was left blessedly alone.
She was shocked when she put the baby to bed one night, only to find Matt and her mother standing in the room, demanding she give him head. When she refused, her mother told her she was getting her breastfeeding privileges revoked for 24 hours, and the baby would be fed formula while this passed through her system. And without another word, she slipped two pills into Lola’s mouth.
When Lola came to, she was swaying on her knees, naked, with Matt’s cock in her mouth.
She didn’t register it as a shock. On the drugs, she reacted by muscle memory, knowing the movements that made Matt cum. She licked his cock and swallowed it. She pouted her lips, lifted up her head to look straight into his eyes. She hated that bastard for tricking her into liking him, with his flattery and his gifts. She turned her gaze to her mother. She finally hated her almost as much as she hated herself. The abuse had hardened her. She wanted to die with a fury for letting herself been trapped into this shameful, degrading business. She was really only tethered to this earth because she wanted the baby to live. Wanting the baby to live made her realize her mother didn’t truly love her, not the way Lola was capable of love. She could see for the first time how her mother scared and manipulated her all her life into doing her bidding, and she was tired of serving that fake bitch. She was literally sick of getting drugged and used like a sex doll, especially by two hypocrites who claimed to care about her. Maybe she was irreparably ”broken” now, Lola thought, but so were they. And being a lesbian had to be less messed up than what Mom and Matt forced her to do.
Deep in her thoughts, Lola’s body moved like an automaton, barely registering when her mother lifted her to the bed. Matt’s cock was glistening from her sloppy blowjob. She watched, as if from above, while Matt laid his awful weight on her, sucking her nipples. He grabbed her all over her body, hungrily taking her in after leaving her alone. She could smell his precum. He started slathering lube in and around her pussy, in his usual ham-fisted way.
He was about to fuck her for the first time since she’d given birth. The drugs were making her feel sleepy and aroused, and she knew that when he pushed into her, she would feel rote physical pleasure. But for the first time she felt more anger than shame about it. She looked up at his eyes when she felt her mother’s hand positioning his penis at the entrance of her vagina. She maintained eye contact as he slid into her. They really were just worthless rapists.
She cried out like before when he hit her g-spot. Her vagina clenched around her stepfather’s dick, even though she knew he was violating her. Her mother started rubbing her clit. Milk was shooting out of her nipples in little spurts every time Matt pushed into her. Squirting it out of her breasts was such a relief. Lola’s orgasm was building, and yet she kept hold of her anger that such a private activity with her baby was getting desecrated. As she came, shuddering, on Matt’s cock, she closed her eyes and in an attempt at rebellion tried to picture a woman. A second later Matt came, unloading ribbons inside her. He withdrew his limp penis and kissed Lola’s mother above her, as if celebrating a conquest.
As she caught her breath, she had the impression that an alarming thought kept trying to press itself against the glass of her consciousness. Finally she started piecing it together… if Matt came inside her, then she was at risk for pregnancy. Another one, that they had no intention of preventing.
As her idiot so-called parents started loud, sweaty sex next to her, she fought to stay awake and tried to think.
—
Epilogue:
Lola calls a hotline and makes a daring, successful escape with the baby to a safe house. She relocates to a different city. She finds chosen family in a group of friends, and starts rebuilding her life and raising her child. She goes to college. She marries a woman, divorces her, and finds a second wife. Twenty years later, she successfully brings a criminal case against her so-called parents. They never have a day of peace in old age til they die. She cries at her kid’s high school graduation. She is happy.
Source: reddit.com/r/Erotica/comments/jtbrqw/lola_fmf_incest_sexual_abusehomophobic
Amazing. Wow. ?❤️