III
The urge for different kinds of sex was taking over me and I urgently needed to try something new. I felt that I was losing my temper for repressing very strong sexual desires. Even though I had concluded that a more controlled digital sex life would be needed, I still had things to try that my relationship would not allow. Little by little, I started to rationalize things and what once seemed evil, now seemed totally reasonable. Maybe I was going mad or my brain chemicals took over me, but I felt human and alive by doing things naturally without fearing the consequences. Living dangerously brought a sense of freedom, or so it seemed – I did not have to hide anything from anyone, I could accept myself entirely and I could satisfy my sexual needs. At least this is what I wanted, but a part of me knew that I could lose my life as I knew it and the future could be filled with suffering for something I did while not being in the right state of mind.
“Whom the gods would destroy they first make mad” this was the phrase that was filling my mind. Even if I would be destroyed, my libido had its own way of planning sexual events without caring about the consequences, so I had to find a way to try something different sexually without being intimate with another person. I needed to get rid of this uncontrollable lust for a while. Looking around for people in my life, my thoughts were mostly directed to a coworker who I always liked and knew she liked me back, but I wouldn’t want to have any intimacy with another woman. From time to time, when masturbating, my imagination would recreate a scenario where we would have sex for the first time. It would be a longed for sex, like it was something inevitable, and we would make the best out of it with a long session of pleasure.
She was a brunette with long curly hair, small breasts, a well rounded ass and firm legs. Her face and her way of being were very sensual and erotic. Her voice was charming and her posture classy. I always felt attracted to her regardless of her ass, although I really wanted to study it in great detail, especially its texture and touch. In the office she would bend over to get some water and her curvy ass would be pointing at me, so I imagined myself slowly undressing her pants while kissing her soft back, and then kissing her butt cheeks while touching her pussy lips very gently. Then my imagination would take us to the entrance couch where she would open up her legs and wrap them around my waist. I would hit her clitoris with my cock to get it hard and then, in a moment of relief, my penis would finally slide into her classy pussy. I also craved that big ass of hers and wanted it to jump on me. She was in her early twenties and was exercising regularly, so I imagined that she was in touch with her body and was confident about herself, which would make her extra wet and would make me cum extra hard. The thought of cumming inside her pussy was very present and I would still need to stay inside her after cumming just to retain that wet feeling and touch her ass for longer.
She was very tanned and her hands and feet were pretty and delicate, so I wanted to believe that her pussy would be like that too, and also wondered how her butthole might look like. With her, for some reason, I did not want anal, just a passionate night of sex that would compensate our non-fulfilled attraction. Maybe she would love it in all fours, maybe she would love oral sex, maybe she had pubic hair, maybe she would be dominant in bed. She was a mystery to me because she seemed decent, too decent. I knew she was the one I would fuck if my relationship ended, but I tried to never give her much importance and no room for flirting. Still, I have the feeling that she knew that I was attracted to her because of the way I looked at her and the way I tried to avoid her in our short interactions, which made me look even more obviously attracted to her.
Although this attraction was intense when I was near her, on the weekends or holidays I would forget her completely except when masturbating, which made me realize that I did not have strong feelings for her, but only a mere sexual desire. I knew she loved to cook, she was an interesting woman who loved books and had a curious intelligence, but that was not enough for us to get along intimately. I suspected she was not a woman to have by my side because we were not emotionally compatible, or at least I wanted to convince myself about that so I wouldn’t get any dangerous ideas, but my mind would not rest until I tasted her lips and her pussy. Her neck was also elegant and desirable to kiss although her back was a bit muscled from working out. One day we were near each other taking coffee and while she was talking to a female coworker she took off her sandals and found a way to show her feet soles. I thought it could never be a coincidence and the image of her perfectly clean feet with a very healthy and solid texture never left me. On another instance, she arrived early at the office on a cold day and she gave me her hand to show me how freezing she was. I instantly got an erection and told her to be careful not to get sick.
I started to think about fucking her more and more, and that’s when I decided to unburden my sexual desires with something intense so I wouldn’t chase any women and build a strong relationship. I forgot that sexual attractions are normal and I merely had to deal with them by doing my best. Maybe my hidden desires were not the problem in this case, but rather the animalistic nature to reproduce due to my age. I trusted that something would come my way to solve this problem, and some days later my girlfriend told me she had to leave the country for two weeks because of her work.
Source: reddit.com/r/Erotica/comments/izjfx4/confessions_of_a_username_part_iii_a_semi