I’m 18M and massively a virgin and have never tried to write anything before, so any help is much appreciated! (The title is Very WIP)
As Chloe dared take a short cut down a dark alleyway she suddenly heard a barrage of footsteps, a firm grip latched onto her shoulders, silencing her screams with a noxious rag. The figure lurched over her blocking her already fading vision as she collapsed, falling through the deep chasm that had become of the floor.
Chloe awoke in a dark, damp room with no lights, just a chair and
severe fittings on the wall when a pair of hands suddenly enveloped her, dragged her supple frame to her feet, brought a pair of rough lips to her innocent ears and whispered “you disgusting little slut, you’re going to get exactly what you deserve” as a blade , which glimmered in the harsh light spewing in through the ajar door, danced across her soft skin, teasing her with a thin, sultry rivulet trickle of blood which ran down the small of her neck.
The harsh sound of her captors footsteps echoed in Chloe’s ears as she crashed down to the cold, callous concrete.
She spent what seemed like weeks, poised on the lone wooden chair which was too small and uncomfortable for her to fully relax yet still offered her some much needed respite from the harsh floor on which she had decided was definitely too uncomfortable to maintain her submissive position she was much accustomed to maintaining for Adam.
Adam.
She had almost completely forgot on why she had ended up here, he had told her time after time, don’t take the alleyway, go through the street. It only saved her 15 minutes at max but she was that desperate. She hadn’t been with someone in months and months and she was desperate for someone, anyone.
The heavy metal door shot open and a large, towering figure approached her, stooped to her collapsed frame, placed a hand on her cheek, brought her ear to his lip and poured his vile poison down her ear “you are ours for us to do as we seem fit, all you are is a dirty, good for nothing cum dumpster and you are completely powerless to stop us” the voice took a deep breath and continued threateningly “now, I want you to repeat that back to me.”
Initially Chloe was resolved to give nothing to these bastards, but the figures word’s seemed to wake something up in her, something she hadn’t felt in a long, long time.
Out of nowhere a solid palm struck her cheek, reddening the make-up she had painstakingly applied only 4 days ago, yet to her it had been a lifetime.
“TELL ME YOU FUCKING SLUT” the voice rang out, piercing her ears
Chloe whimpered and managed to choke out “Your… your dirty little cum dumpster”
“That’s what I thought” her captor replied “but it still seems like you need breaking”
Out of nowhere another pair of hands reached out from the darkness, locked on to her wrists and binded her with a pair of heavy, cold steel handcuffs. Yet another pair of fists yanked her up by her shoulders and slipped a set of heavy leather straps underneath her arms and suspended her from the ceiling, hanging just above the floor allowing her the liberty of being able to stretch the tips of her toes allowing her to support just a little of her minute weight.
Just as she thought this was the worst of the torture she would have to endure for the time being the knife she was acquainted to on her first day was brought back. Yet rather than teasing her taught skin this time the blade was there to steal even more innocence away from Chloe. The tip snuck itself underneath her panty band and in one smooth motion cut it away from her flesh and they fell to the floor, exposing her to the harsh reality of where she was, yet deep down, Chloe was excited in what would happen next.
Source: reddit.com/r/Erotica/comments/guohsn/hi_im_not_sure_if_this_is_allowed_here_but_can
Massive run on sentences, grammatical errors, over all flow needs to be improved. Always double check spelling. Personally I’m not into this particular topic but I get that some are.
From a pure readability perspective it’s not the worst but you have some work to do.
The stories that I enjoy the most are the ones that flow well, where you can tell that the author took the time to spell check and more importantly check for continuity and consistency in the story. I recently read a story here, where halfway through, the author changed the spelling of the main characters name which effectively changed the name. I had to scroll back and see if I was just reading it wrong, I wasn’t. These kind of errors remove me from the fantasy that is being developed as I read further on.
It’s the attention to detail that will make a story great and keep me coming back for more.