Written erotica is PORN for women, my dudes!

Fuck guys.

All the talented writers must have went to bed early last night, I wasn’t too impressed with the crop I’d met… It was Saturday evening and my husband of eight months and I had just returned from the movies (because nobody told us the theaters would close too. Different aggravation entirely, and when you’re newly married the only sensible thing to do is screw any chance you get. But after some hopeless Netflix surfing and a petty argument about the window being open or shut, he stormed out to sleep on the couch because apparently “we can’t talk about shit.”

I wanna believe being married is as exciting as my friends say it is… but to be honest, I think they left out where that excitement actually comes from. So, with makeup done for the evening and a black tank top thrown on after realizing the evening ended, I’m decided to make my own rules and seeking a fun Saturday night elsewhere. From all of you hungry animals.

And the result, was… mediocre. :/

My ask was simple enough: “my husband doesn’t seem to be coming back to bed tonight, so one of you educated wordsmiths get the pleasure of **writing me some erotica of my choosing**. I’m **not** talking role-play or dirty talk (although plenty of the latter will naturally come, I haven’t been properly fucked in a week) I’m talking I give you a unfulfilled fantasy, something that wouldn’t be brought to life nearly as well in porn, with vividly detailed environments and realistic scenarios with steamy characters…”

I wanted the most talented penman out there to message me and take me away from my newly wedded woes but I suppose he was sleeping soundly of dirtier things. I certainly didn’t feel like the OG housewife as my name suggests, so I want an actual talent, a brilliant writer and a shining light in the swamp of inbred slime to make me feel *wanted* again. I want my own personal writer to bring to life all my erotic fantasies and tales that I can’t live on my own, or refuse to degrade through porn.

Yes you, I know you’re reading this… and I’ve got all night and beyond for you to please me.

**Reach out to me with my test and ONLY my test:**

*”in as much brilliant detail, description and eloquent wording as possible, paint me a picture of the most erotic place on Planet Earth for YOU. It can be anywhere, and the more creative the better (Longer and more professional pieces get the most attention from me). Fulfill this for me, and we can talk how your dancing pen can please me with ink… Maybe we can work out a little exchange.”*

A girl’s gotta know she’ll be taken care of, and I’m already impatient and hot and bothered enough to be wasting my time with amateurs. But don’t make me wait too long boys, my husband is out but could come home and find me in a *compromised* state at any moment… But hey, it’s worth the effort isn’t it. A marriage needs its excitement. ;)

-D

Source: reddit.com/r/Erotica/comments/fntc14/written_erotica_is_porn_for_women_my_dudes