Your sitting there at your desk minding your own business at the end of the day and your so focused and determined to finish up the assignment your on so you didn’t realize that everyone around you left. Next thing you hear behind you is someone coming up behind you wearing heels as they are clacking on the floor. She walks up behind you and wraps her hands around your eyes and starts kissing your neck with little bites just soft enough to make your hair stand on ends. You go to remove her hands from your eyes but she whispers in your ear not to do that yet. That she will allow you to see her when she’s ready so you just place your hands back on your desk. She then takes her scarf and wraps it around your head covering your eyes and ties it behind your head. She then turns your chair around and straddles your lap. She runs her hands up your shirt and around to your back running her nails across and down your back while she kisses you with a passion and desire to have you. She starts kissing your neck again and then pulls your shirt off and over your head. She climbs off of your lap and kneels down in front of you and starts kissing your chest moving down to your pants. She uses her mouth to undo your belt and undoes your buttons on your pants. She then pulls your rock hard cock out of your pants and licks your head like a sucker. She takes you into her mouth and starts to deep throat you. You can hear her gagging on you and you feel her throat tighten up on your cock. She then stops and straddles you again. This time you move your hands to her hips and realize she’s not wearing any underwear. You pull her skirt up over her hips and start to play with her. She’s grinding on your cock. You can feel her dripping wet pussy on the shift of your dick when you grab her hips and pick her up just a little so you can slide into her tight pussy. She lets out a gasp and moans at the same time of taking you into her all the way to the base of your dick. She removes her scarf and kisses you. Intertwining you’re tongues. She is grinding on your lap and moaning into you. You start thrusting faster. You can hear how wet she is and the sound of your balls slapping against her ass. You stand up carrying her and place her on the ground and bend her over your desk and fuck her from behind. slapping her ass and watching her ass jiggle as you bottom out in her pussy making her scream. You hear her tell you to make her your slut so you start playing with her ass. Starting with one finger moving to two and three as she encourages you. You pull your dick out and apply pressure to her asshole. She moans and pushes back against your dick pushing it in. You start out slow but after a couple thrust you sit back on your chair and pull her down onto your lap. Forcing your dick into her ass until your bottomed our in her. she starts shaking and squirts all over your lap. You keep fucking her making her scream your name. You tell her you have to cum and she tells you to cum in her ass. You start fucking her harder and then right as your about to cum she pulls you out of her drops to the floor and starts sucking your cock making you cum in her mouth. When you’ve squirted your last string of cum into her mouth she swallows with a smirk on her face.
Source: reddit.com/r/Erotica/comments/esi0w7/short_story_erotica_first_time_ive_wrote_in
Quick and to the point!!
I have this fantasy with a woman at work…
I hope I’m the inspiration ?
Really good story, especially for not having written for awhile.
Criticism and critique? That I can do.
Hi! Amateur author here, separate account for this kind of stuff. I don’t post often/ever, but your story resonated with me for some reason.
Anyways, on the the critique!
First off, you have a nice scenario, I feel you write from your feelings rather than with structure in mind, which is perfectly fine, just one of the many types of writing styles, however, your weakness in this style is going to be redundancy.
Common law would be “less is more.” For you. Don’t describe every detail in multiple ways and in such depth (in the wrong places).
An example of this is the awkward wording of “You stand up carrying her and place her on the ground and place her over your desk and fuck her from behind.”
This feels a little too robotic and uses the word “and” a little to much. This is a fundamental writing flaw so it’s difficult to fix unless you know what you are looking for. Search out redundancy and eliminate it by shortening the sentence and cutting out words. “You stand up, carrying her to the side of the desk, where you bend her over and fuck her from behind.” As an example. I tried to stay true to your wording, even though I would do so differently, but that’s a stylistic opinion and not as important.
I love, love, love your honesty and straightened style of writing when it comes to the actual sexual interactions. Describing the sensual images is strait forward and fun to read, it leaves room for imagination yet entices the scene and feelings of what is going on. Very nice on that front, but when applied to other areas, it is rather jarring.
“Next thing you hear behind you is someone coming up behind you wearing heals as they are clacking in the floor.” This passage especially was jarring and made me double take.
I would personally say, all the information is there, but it’s too honest and descriptive. Almost robotic.
“Next thing you hear is a pair of heals clacking, approaching you from behind” would work out much better, although not perfect. There are other examples of this throughout your whole piece and it dampens the true strength that is your erotic passages.
Lastly, on the subject of erotic passages, if you are going to have a theme, keep it going. The switch between sex and anal sex was rather abrupt and felt almost forced, like it was a whim that took you on. I would have loved to hear more about the moaning and hot breaths of the two, bent over on the desk, maybe changing to pushed up against the wall lustfully kissing and running fingers through hair? It’s your strong suit, so detail it as much as you like, we love to read it. The switch from anal to blow job was rather abrupt too and caused a unnatural almost gagging reflex in me. I’m sure some are into that, and no shame, but for the majority, especially if you are going to start off vaginally and so vanilla in sex so as to draw in the average person, please ease into such types of erotic content. Is she clean? Did she prepare for anal? Lube? Spit as lube maybe? If not, maybe some intense anal, followed by a hand job and making out while she sits on the desk, on leg on the chair behind him and rubbing him while he is teasingly close to her?
That’s just a suggestion though. The shock factor could be nice if I were expecting it. Other than that, I would just say draw out the sensitive stuff. Let’s be honest, some people pleasure themselves while reading erotic novels, and when they
Do, they aren’t going to go at it, Jack hammering from the get go. They want to read, and this is truly key, some FOREPLAY. Not just a little, a medium to a lot. Maybe have her grind on him some more, removing his belt but licking him through his pants? Then when he finds she doesn’t have underwear, he should tease her a bit, maybe some rubbing between the two going on, teasing the entrance but not quite giving in. That way, when he does go for it or she lets him, it’s all the more satisfying and those who are following along can really build into. That will get the juices flowing for sure!
Critique finished. Personal note: I enjoyed your post very much :) I hope to see you post more and expand from your emotions, expressing your image vividly on the page (from both perspectives please.) awesome job overall! Please let me know if I missed any questions you really wanted answered or problems you had/came across.