You called me in the middle of the night… you were ready. I questioned wether you were serious or not. I know how you like to mess with me. Tease me. So I tease you back. Always telling you that when you are ready for a woman, that I’d be here to… “break you in.” Give you a comfortable, memorable, and amazing first experience. You, always rejecting those offers & advances. Over the years it has become a joke between us. Naturally I would just think this was just another instance. I quickly realized though that this time…… this time you were ready. Needing the attention. Yearning for passion, a thirst to feel desired.
So much time you’ve spent with people whom don’t care about your needs. You’re always catering to the needs and desires of others. You are ready to receive what you have given out all this time, yet haven’t received in return. I’ve always ribbed you about the fact that you’ve never tried sleeping with a woman. That that could solve these problems for you.
Women are so much more in tune with each other. We have a greater desire to please another person. Pleasure for another, is pleasure for us. At least… for me. I tell you this, knowing you’ll laugh it off. As you swipe, and swipe, and swipe. Failed date after failed date. Finding men who are only looking to satisfy their own hunger.
Lately you’ve all but given up. Things aren’t the same these days. Men are always men, but it seems worse lately. A society of self fulfilling narcissists. Swiping right only looking for the next blow job. You’ve had enough of this. You’re ready for something different. You know I’m different and your imagination has gotten the best of you.
“Come pick me up…… I need you to take me.” You tell me. “Take you where?!” I eagerly respond, always up for the adventure. Already thinking a million things. You love to people watch and have a nice cocktail. Its already 2 am though, and You don’t sound drunk. You do seem serious though. “Nowhere…. Just take me.” You insist. “ooooooh ok….. give me a minute to get my shoes on. We being fancy or just in my usual attire?” I inquire. “come as you are.” You proclaim slightly seductive. At this point I am thoroughly confused, but I never turn down a good time. So I sprang up, threw my Birkenstocks on (of course over my socks) grabbed my trusty vest, keys to Nikki, and I was out the door.
You were home, so I Was there within a few short minutes. I pull up to your house. Usually, I get there, you still aren’t ready. I come into your house, make myself a drink, and wait for you to gather whatever ridiculous things you think you need. This time though, I pull up and you are waiting outside. A hoodie, short shorts and sandals. Your house keys and phone in your hand. It doesn’t seem you are dressed to go out. You jump in the car with the weirdest look on your face. “Take me to your house.” You proclaim. “uhhhhhh ok. What are we doing? Do we need to stop for anything? Booze? Food? I mean I’ve got both but, do you need something specific?!” I ask. Confused but.. this is kinda fun. Such a mystery. “Lets just go to your place I’ll explain when we get there.” You say.
You’re pretty quiet along the way. Which is pretty abnormal. I did however put the music on pretty loud so. Maybe just not wanting to talk over it. Maybe you’re deep in though, maybe you’re enjoying it. Shit I dunno. Something seems up though.
We pull in and we both go inside. I grab the gin to make us both a gin and tonic. Extra lime ofcourse. We small talk for a minute, you tell me how the last couple weeks have been for you. You ask a couple questions about what I’ve been up to lately. I begin… “well my new job seems like its going to be…” “FUCK ME” you exclaim!
WTF is going on right now?! I”m so confused. Are you drunk? Are you high? Are you messing with me? “I’ve decided to take you up on your offer. I need to feel. I need to be ravished… devoured. I need intensity.” I don’t let you go on, I reach in to pick you up, wrap your legs around my waste, and kiss you. You happily oblige, grabbing my face with both of your hands and kissing me back. We both moan. I think we’ve both been waiting for this. Just been too scared to risk what we have.
I hold onto your ass as I take you down the hallway, carefully not to let you slip from my clutches. Its a good thing I know where I’m going because You haven’t let go of my face or lips. Fuck….. this is going to be good. We reach the end of the hall which the office. More…. Places to put you there. More playful. We’ll make our way to my bedroom at some point. As we pass the threshold I set you down, still, our lips do not break free. I’ve stared at those lips for so long. I can’t believe ours are now adjoined. I reach behind me to close the door, grab you by your hips and put you against it. I don’t waste any time taking off your hoodie. I’ve seen those tits in a bike far to many times…. I need them naked. Aggressive maybe, but I’ve heard your stories over and over about how you “need a man to take control…. Take you…. You want to be taken.” so…… tonight I take you. After throwing the hoodie on the floor I spin you around, place your hands up high over your head against the door with mine. Press myself against you, nibble on your ear and whisper. “Take your pants off for me.”
You take a step back… before you can even start I get down on my knees. I want a front row seat to this. When you reach down, I grab your wrist, you look at me in confusion. “slowly… first your pants, then your panties” I say as I wink at you and sit back on my heels. You chuckle and follow my directions. Slowly taking off your tight little bootie shorts. Ass cheeks hanging out teasing me since I saw you standing outside your house.
Licking my lips I lean into your ass right as you get your panties to your shins. Biting the cleft between your ass and your hamstring. Grabbing your wrists as I do. You gasp. You weren’t expecting that, you like it none the less. I can tell.
I stand up to my feet and ask you to do the same. “Go lay on my bed please.” I ask nicely. “My pleasure.” You respond. You’re liking this!
“Yes… your pleasure… lets get to that.” I chuckle as I push you gently as so that you fall nicely on the mattress. I wrap my right arm around the back of your waist. Pulling you to the top of the bed as I crawl up on my other hand and knees. You think its hot that I can just swoop you up like that, you gasp for air as you float to the pillow, wish seems to magically appear. Really I’ve just lifted you up as I grab the pillow with my left hand. Placing it nicely like it was delivered by a pillow robot. “ I want you comfortable. “Are you ok?” I ask you. “Is this what you want?” I question once again. I don’t want you to regret this so I want to assure you know where this is going. “Do you want me to fuck you?!” I interrogate nearly this time.
“PLEASE fuck me Ashley.” …. The smirk takes over my face…… “Finally!” I squeal like a teenage boy. I feel like one. I’ve wanted you in the spot for a while now. You putty in my hands. Here for my taking. Giving yourself to me. Trusting me. Confiding and leaving yourself vulnerable…. And its all so fucking hot. I know this comes with great responsibility though. This leaves me cautious and reluctant to move to fast. Yet you don’t seem to even stutter. You are LOVE..ING this. Mmmmmm that making this so much hotter. Your comfort is making you open up. You see…. Consent is hot.
Source: reddit.com/r/Erotica/comments/er8cni/never_written_erotica_lesbian_story_beginning
Solid effort, good pacing but the perspective is really jaunting, a lot of telling the reader what to feel instead of leading them into it or fully dragging them in with the narrator. Would probably just keep running with the style though just as a matter of finishing things and for erotica it works still. Show more, tell less is the usual rule to try and abide by with creative writing of any kind.
Writing in second person is difficult. Generally you want to avoid it if possible.
There’s some issues with tenses, grammar, and punctuation. As you read and write more you’ll get better at that.
Overall, this is about as well written as some books that made millions of dollars. Never stop never stopping, I suppose.