First post here

I am not an English native speaker, so I expect my writings to have some mistakes. I wrote this long time ago when I was studying English. I don’t know if this is the best sub to post this. If it is not, please let me know where to post it. Feedback is greatly appreciated : )

Her silhouette still haunts me, restless thoughts of a brief yet heart crushing time. I grasp in desperation every scrap of memory, trying to avoid them fading into oblivion. Her blurred face reflects in the back of my mind bringing mixed feelings of bliss and sorrow forth.

My senses betray me and I sense her skin, the natural body warmth she expels and the weight of her body as if my fingers could retrace her silhouette in the air.

My heart skips a beat and a tear stars to form in one of my eyes, my voice breaks and I feel a knot in my chest. I continue to slip into the past trying to envision her in the blank space in the corner of the room. A cold chill runs down my spine and I can’t help but wonder in regret what went wrong.

Upon meeting her the first time, the day was dressed with the afternoon colours, a windy and cloudy day. We talked for hours that felt like minutes. I am a lonely person use to solitude and isolation, unable to connect with people, feeling I don’t belong, withdrawn and misunderstood, without being able to share my world avoiding judging stares and silent discomfort. Keeping myself to myself seemed the only way I could go about life: being left alone.

Yet I stumble upon her and she, perhaps unknowingly, shook my world to its very core changing its essence. New feelings and sensation came forth, most of them unknown to me, and I was delighted. The world shone with vibrant colours, music filled every moment. I was not just living, for the first time in my live I felt alive, really alive. All was full of meaning and purpose, I was overflowing with energy and motivation, my lips deformed always giving the hint of a smile and my eyes expressed a constant hope and reassurance of joy and hope, a vibrant feeling hard to describe.

She became my world and everything else was swallowed by her shadow. I always hugged her so hard as to fusion my bare soul with hers. She became my ambrosia and my Aquiles heel, her smile was everything I needed to make my worst day a dreamy illusion and her sadness was enough to bring me close to the abyss of anxiety trying to make her feel better, to be able to draw a smile in her lips. Nothing mattered but her.

I used to be a home body, but for her a became adventurous. I usually distrust everyone but since the first day I trust her blindly, even though I always wanted to be with her, to share everything with her, I respected her personal space. I felt we were always on the same page. Nevertheless she broke up with me, I gave her my very best and it wasn’t good enough, I wasn’t enough for her. She was everything I ever wanted, yet I was not what she desired and so I was left alone. Once you taste happiness and fall in love feeling the overwhelming jolts of vitality and joy that spurts from your very core, the emptiness becomes abysmal and I craved that feeling of wholeness again; with desperation, I did everything I could think of to get her back, but with each failed attempt the gap grew wider, pushing me apart, until I lost the last scrapes of hope and destiny smirked at me sending her abroad.

I reached my lowest point. Became a shadow of my former self. It was a turning point. I had to crawl back from the abyss. Damaged, wrecked, torn to pieces and shattered. That kind of soul crashing experiences changes people. I was changed, to something different, I became resentful and defiled.

A mask of shallow happiness I wear. A façade made of disillusions made to be part of society. I got a new girlfriend, an instrument for self-pleasure, banal conversations maintained to keep the illusion of emotional connection, empty smiles and trivial presents that seemed to strengthen a fleeting bond. After a while a got bored and split up. Another girl appeared.

It’s all about sexual chemistry and physical attraction. There’s no deep emotional bond nor commitment, it’s safer that way. I live for the fleeting carnal pleasures, the new experiences. I have and have been cheated countless times. The sound of flushing water interrupts my thoughts, a girl whose name I can’t remember comes out of the toilet naked, she curls by my side and presses her back against my chest. I hug her and she starts caressing my arms and kisses my hand. I hope, for her sake, she is not falling in love.

Source: reddit.com/r/sexystories/comments/byxivg/first_post_here