Debut writer; needs feedback; just a short

Just a short I have finished in comment below, I will keep writing but I want some feedback to keep me on the right track. First-time and second-language writer; constructive criticism on ideas, language and writing in general is asked for. It is very vanilla, advertised as “old-school romance”, just so you know and not expect too much.

Source: reddit.com/r/sexystories/comments/a0wfxj/debut_writer_needs_feedback_just_a_short