Under The Gaze [mf] [NSFW]

Hello
This is my first attempt at a story, I shared it with the IRL subject of the story (inspired by a sexting session this morning) but she hasn’t had time to read it yet. I tried to finish it but I’m all butterflies right now, so someone please give me some constructive criticism. Thank you.

The tableau before me, I have to admit, was immensely satisfying, and the effect it had on me was visibly evident in the erection you keep staring at. I watched as your middle finger slowly rubbed from the bottom of your glistening slit to the middle, and then dipped into the source of the nectar slowly oozing out of your innie labia and dripping into your ample ass. I spent about thirty seconds watching this amazing drizzle, this visceral evidence of the effect this moment was having on you, eager to taste it mixed with your asshole when I would roll you over, put you on your knees and anally tongue fuck you about 5 minutes from now. I couldn’t help but smile, watching your finger alternate between pleasuring your clit and exploring your pussy, a perma blush on your face as you watched me grow harder when your finger come out trailing a viscous line of your pussy juice, and as you saw my cock start to bob in the air at this display of arousal you felt the beginning of an orgasm. This emotion was as fragile as an egg shell, as fleeting as an uncaptured thought, so you closed your eyes and focused on the moment, slowly rotating your fingertip around your clit until the orgasm suddenly became focused and clear. Right before you open your eyes a shadow passes over you, and as your brain registers this another sensation comes alive, this time centered around your left nipple as my mouth slowly created suction on your areola, and the right one as I began slowly rolling your nipple between my thumb and forefinger, increasing and decreasing pressure at irregular intervals. There is an overwhelming urge to begin exploring your pussy and ass with my tongue, but as I watch your eyes open and meet your gaze there is an unspoken longing for me to gently dominate you, to lead you like a conductor for an orchestra, and play a rolling crescendo of pleasure and release with your erogenous zones as my instruments, and an unspoken acknowledgment from me that I would do so, as my immediate caress of your saturated cunt, followed by me gently leaning over to kiss you softly on your full lips as proof of my understanding. Now as my gentle caress of your mons and labia turns into an exploration of the roof of your vulva, gently probing for that tell tale spongy mass, you begin to feel a wave of pleasure building, a heat that’s both familiar and new begins to slowly radiate from the pressure under my fingertip. A little moan escapes your lips, and you instinctively start moving your hips, to me it looks like a strange dance, some primal movement more at home in a tribal fertility ritual than a bed.

Constructive, please.

Source: reddit.com/r/Erotica/comments/87wrjq/under_the_gaze_mf_nsfw