“You ready?” Joe asked before we got out of the car.
I wasn’t. Everything about school reminded me of Sam. It was like asking me if was ready to have someone hit my broken hand with a hammer. You’re never ready for something like that, but I nodded anyway to get us moving.
Bethany and Mark were waiting at the edge of the parking lot. I got my book bag and slung it over my shoulder and headed toward them with Joe at my side. He kept his arm around my shoulder the whole way which was about the only thing keeping me moving.
“Hey,” Bethany whispered when we caught up to them.
“How are you feeling? You eat anything this morning?” I asked. I don’t know why they called it *morning sickness* because she’d been throwing up all weekend.
“Crackers and Ginger Ale. The breakfast of champions.” Her grim smile answered my question better than her words. “I’ll survive. How about you?”
I thought I was cried out after a week, but I was wrong. Maybe my body had decided to pee out of my eyes. I wiped my eyes again and sucked in my cheeks to keep myself under control. “Let’s go.”
The people in the hallways who looked at me with pity pissed me off. None of them knew me. In their eyes I was defined by my loss, not by who I really was or even who Sam had been. The anger kept me from crying, so I used it.
I held it together until I saw Simon waiting near my homeroom. He saw me the same time I saw him, but I also saw him shoot a wary glance at Mark. My feet moved faster without conscious thought. He opened his arms to me as I reached him.
We didn’t speak for a while. He just held me. Ordinarily, some officious teacher would come break up public displays of affection. My homeroom teacher saw us but merely pinched her lips and nodded.
“I’m sorry I didn’t call,” Simon whispered.
“Don’t worry. I understand. I barely moved off the couch the whole week.” He let me go and we looked at each other. “One day at a time.”
“One day at a time,” he answered me and then nodded at Joe, Bethany, and Mark. “Hey.”
“Guys, this is Simon. He was Sam’s best friend,” I said as I turned. Simon kept his hand on my shoulder. Mark glanced at it and frowned for a second.
“Simon, this is my brother Joe and his best friend Mark. And this is my friend Bethany.” She blinked when I didn’t call her my *best friend*, but I didn’t care despite all of us spending the weekend together.
Nothing felt the same. All the things that had seemed so important a week ago were laughable now. Homework? A school dance? Sophie and Dan? Mark and Lydia? It barely seemed real compared to what I was going through. My eyes were open to how hollow and fake everything was.
While Simon accepted their condolences with a nod, I kept my mouth shut. There was no point in disrupting the social circus going on. All we needed were some clowns, I thought, except clowns were fake, too. Just creepy old carnies with painted faces. My foul mood was spilling out all over.
Bethany gave me a quick hug and headed toward the bathroom with her hand over her mouth. Joe dragged Mark away after telling me to find him if I wanted to go home early. Then I turned to face Simon again.
He pierced me with a look that echoed everything I was feeling. I know it was wrong, but part of me was glad that someone else understood. Still, I didn’t want to lead him on. Starting something because we both had loved the same person was a bad idea.
“Thanks for coming to check on me this morning.” I held my book bag against my chest like a shield between us.
“Want me to save you a seat at lunch?” I think he knew the answer before I shook my head. “I understand.” He looked away and began to walk off.
“Simon.” I forced him to look in my eyes. “Be patient with me. Let’s take some time and get to know each other better. We’re both too raw right now.”
I saw a little spark of hope in his eyes when he nodded. “You’re right. If we did anything now we’d just be trying to fill the hole Sam left.”
“Exactly.” By putting my fear into words, he helped to banish it a little. I stood on my toes to kiss his cheek. “Thanks again for checking on me. I’ll see you around.”
“I’ll be looking for you,” he said with a sad smile.
The rest of the day was a mix of ordinary boredom and crushing pain. I sat with Bethany at lunch. We continued to search for a way back to something like friendship. Joe came by long enough to check on me, then left me to go our afternoon classes. I saw Mark a couple of times, but he just avoided my eyes.
When I got back home I was exhausted. I skipped dinner to go to sleep instead. That was the first night I didn’t dream I was in the plane with Sam while it fell forever and never hit the ground. When I woke early, my back hurt from sleeping in the same position all night. I stared at the ceiling until my alarm went off, thinking of nothing and everything.
As the week progressed, I began to come out of the worst of it. I started to participate in class again. My appetite returned a little. The Sam shaped hole inside was still there, but maybe it wasn’t bleeding as much.
One thing that struck me was that Joe hadn’t picked up a new what’s-her-name since being grounded. He seemed content to hang out with Bethany and me. Sometimes Mark would come over, but mostly it was the three of us hanging out, doing homework, or watching TV until Mom and Dad came home each night.
On Friday, I was having lunch with Bethany when she got quiet for a while. I wasn’t feeling talkative, so I just ate in silence.
“Steph,” she said at last. “Would it be okay if I stayed over tonight?”
I studied her while I finished chewing. “So you can hook up with Joe?” She wouldn’t meet my eyes, but shook her head no. “Then why?”
Her eyes shimmered when she looked up at me. “My dad keeps bringing home movies for us. I thought maybe we could watch something fun. Like we used to.”
I tried to remember the last time we’d done that. It was right after Mark had kissed me and then gotten me off the first time. *Two months? Had it only been two months?*
Bethany shifted uncomfortably. “If you don’t want to—”
“No.” I tried to reach back in time to find that light-hearted, fun person I used to be. It felt like tickling my fingertips against something just out of reach. “I think I’d like that, Bee.”
My pet name for her had just slipped out. Her eyes opened wide. “Really?”
I was broken. There was a hole inside me. But in that moment all the jagged bits inside stopped shifting around. I could suddenly breathe easier. Bethany wasn’t asking if she could really stay the night. She was asking if I was really able to call her Bee again.
She had hurt me. There was a time I had thought her betrayal was the worst pain in the world, but I was wrong. I thought Mark picking Lydia over me was worse, and maybe it was, but losing Sam had shown me what *real* pain was. The kind that takes your breath away and never gives it all back. Calling her Bee again, *forgiving her*, let me snatch a breath back from old man death.
“I think so, yeah.”
She reached across the table to clutch my hand in both of hers. Her old smile returned slowly and I could feel my own lips pulling to answer. “Oh my God, I missed you so much. I was such an idiot. I’m sorry I screwed everything up.”
If she hadn’t screwed up, I might never have known Sam. I might never have learned what love feels like. And despite the pain, I was a better person for having loved Sam.
“Forgiven,” I whispered to her. “I missed you, too.”
We finished our lunches and parted with a deep hug. It made me feel lighter to let go of the pain between us. I was actually looking forward to hanging out with her again.
After school, Joe must have noticed a change in my mood because he was giving me odd glances all the way home. When we pulled in the driveway, he finally just asked me.
“So what changed?”
“What hasn’t?” I took a deep breath. “I notice you’re celibate these days.”
“Don’t change the subject.”
“I didn’t realize there was one.”
“You’re more… something.” He squinted his eyes at me.
“I think Bethany and I are better. She’s coming over tonight.”
Joe blinked. “Okay.”
“We’re gonna do our nails and watch a goofy musical like old times.”
“Seriously?” His skeptical expression made me roll my eyes.
“I still like musicals, dumbass.”
“It just seems kind of festive for the new you.”
That earned him a punch in his arm. “Dick. I’m going inside. Go do something horndoggy.”
“Horndoggy?” Joe asked with a chuckle as he got out of the car.
“Your hand’s gotta be gettin’ tired by now.”
“That almost sounded like a joke.”
I waved him off and headed inside, but secretly I was pleased. I was still broken, Bethany was still pregnant, but I needed a fucking night off.
After Mom came home and I told her that Bethany was coming over, her reaction was similar to Joe’s. She shot me a curious look before nodding to herself.
“So y’all are patching things up?” she asked.
“Tryin’ to,” I said as I put down my history textbook.
“Good,” Mom said and nodded. “Can I hang out, too? Or do y’all need some time alone.”
“No, hang out with us! She’s bringing a movie. It’ll be fun.”
“Then I will!”
When Bethany came over with her overnight bag, I met her at the door with a hug. She and I ran upstairs to change into our long nightshirts and joined Mom on the couch. After placing the DVD in the player, Bethany came back and joined me on the floor in front of the couch.
“What color?” I asked as I dug through my nail bag.
Then I saw the blue polish I’d picked up at the mall that matched Sam’s bangs. It was like time hit rewind and I was sobbing with the stupid bottle of polish clenched in my fist.
“God damn it,” I muttered and forced my emotions back under control.
“Hey,” Bethany said as she scooted over to put her arm around me. “What’s wrong?”
Mom slid over and put her hand on my shoulder. “That’s the polish she wore to the dance with Sam.”
“I swear, I think I’m getting better and then something sucker punches me.” I had to take a deep breath and hold it to make the tremors stop. “I’ll be okay. Go ahead and start the movie.”
After putting the blue polish back inside the bag, I picked a deep crimson color to fit my mood. Mom munched on popcorn while Bethany and I painted our nails the same color.
The movie was as funny as promised. Dad joined us when he came home from work and even chuckled a bit. By the time our nails had dried and the popcorn had been eaten, I was fading fast. Bethany and I were snuggled up on the couch together watching the ending of the movie when Joe and Mark came in.
“You missed a good one,” Mom said as she smiled over at them. “What have you boys been up to?”
“Nothing fun,” Joe said with a sad chuckle and a shake of his head. He and Mark stopped on the other side of the couch. “I was thinking of hanging out over with Mark and Mason tonight. We’re gonna have a war game marathon and eat junk food.”
“Fine with me,” Mom said after glancing at Dad. “Come for breakfast in the morning. I’ll fix the full spread.”
“Will do,” Joe said and glanced at Mark. “Ready?”
Mark gave me a funny look before turning back to Joe and nodding. “Sure.”
After they were gone, I stretched and yawned. “I’m turning in.”
Bethany got off the couch first and tugged me up by my hand. “See you in the morning.”
She kept my hand as we walked up the stairs. I didn’t think anything of it until we were in my room and she turned to hug me with her cheek against mine. Before I could react to her unexpected display of affection, she let me go to brush her teeth without a word.
I turned back the bed while she was in the bathroom, confused by my own reaction. Instead of reflexively pulling away, I had relaxed in her arms and enjoyed her warmth. It was a puzzle.
When she returned, I went to pee and brush my own teeth. But the time I got back, the room was dark and Bethany was in bed. The cool sheets made me shiver, so I pulled up the covers over both of us. Once I’d settled, Bethany took my hand under the sheets.
“I missed this,” she whispered.
Being in bed with her had my mind whirling. Sam and I had shared my bed more recently, but I’d been sleeping next to Bee off and on for most of our lives. And when we transitioned from being just friends to being lovers, it had felt as natural as breathing. I gave her a non-committal hum as I continued to think.
“You know the weirdest thing about being pregnant?” she asked. I rolled over in the darkness and could just make out the outline of her hair against the dim light coming in from the streetlights. “There is something living inside me.”
“You’ve got millions of things living inside you,” I whispered.
“Yuck,” she snickered. “I don’t mean bacteria.”
We were silent for a moment.
“Have you decided what you’re gonna do?” I asked.
We had spent most of the previous weekend discussing options. Joe and Mark were willing to help out, whatever she wanted. I said I’d support her as well. She pulled my hand to touch her stomach. There wasn’t even a bump yet that I could feel.
Bee sniffed. “I can’t have it.”
“Then we’ll make an appointment tomorrow,” I said and scooted a little closer. “The clinic Mark took me too was clean and the people were nice.”
I could feel the bed shake as she cried silently, so I pulled her into my arms. She slipped an arm under my pillow, then clung to me. “I’m so scared.”
Her breath was warm on my lips. She was close enough that all I had to do was tilt my head to kiss her. I resisted, I swear I did. For all I knew, she was carrying my niece or nephew inside her. And Joe was still hung up on her, I was sure of it. Then she took the decision away from me.
Kissing Bee was different than kissing Sam. Sam had this way of teasing me with her tongue that left me gasping. Bee kissed me with a closed mouth at first. Her lips firm instead of yielding. When I opened my mouth, her tongue darted in to taste me. I was still unsure about what we were doing, but her need called to mine.
I got lost in the moment for a while as the heat built between us. She clutched my nightshirt in her fists to keep me close, like she was afraid I’d pull away if she let me go. Our breathing sped up as the passion inside me ignited.
I realized something then. While it was nothing like what I had with Sam, at the same time it was okay. I could enjoy passion without the kind of burning love I felt for Sam. It didn’t make the passion or my love for Sam any less.
When Bee ran her hands up to cup my breasts, I realized something else. Even though I’d been with guys and enjoyed it, there was something different, and better, about a woman touching me. I gasped when Bee tweaked my nipple through my nightshirt.
“Oh,” I moaned as I pushed her back against the pillow. I attacked her mouth and tugged at her shirt so I could feel her skin. She gasped in return and leaned her head back so I could feast on her neck and ears.
“Please,” Bee begged. “Touch me.”
Running my hand down, I slipped my fingers inside her panties and plunged them into her wet heat. She arched her back while I opened her with my middle two fingers and slid back and forth over her nubbin then plunged deep inside.
“Oh God,” she cried. “Right there.”
It was like that first time we were together. I rubbed her and kissed her until she froze, her body teetering on the edge of a massive orgasm. When she fell over the edge, I covered her mouth with mine to muffle the cry. She writhed in my hand, bucking as her muscles contracted around my fingers. I knew just when to taper off to ease her back down.
When she recovered her breath, she whispered, “Thank you.”
I curled up next to her and rested my head on her shoulder. She rubbed my back with one hand while the other joined mine in her panties to cup her sex. For a while I didn’t care about anything but comforting my friend, then sleep claimed me and I didn’t care about anything at all.
Source: reddit.com/r/sexystories/comments/5ecjnc/im_too_young_for_sex_pt_27_ff
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