I've had a lot of vanilla sex in my life, and I've loved it, it's been important and uplifting, but when I try to remember just exactly what it was like, with this one or with that one, I find it elusive. What did her bits look like close up, smell like, taste like? What did we talk about in bed, before, during, after? It tends to all blend into a generalized memory of, "this is sex".
But.
The peak moments.
The occasional debasement or humiliation, the shocking and surprising, disorienting act by someone you thought you knew.
The tormented longing of knowing that one you thought was yours is being enjoyed by another man, that she chose him, actively prefers him, over you, in this moment. The thrill when she comes back to your bed for a few short weeks, only to leave again. You roll over onto her pillow, still where she left it, to smell her hair, her sweat and lay hard on your unfulfilled longing.
Pain and loss can be integrated, can be made beautiful, can be embraced if you know that all is not lost, that as improbable as it feels in the moment, another will come to take her place and that you are entitled to cherish her memory, even the memory of her embracing her new love in the corner at that party, and then slipping off urgently with him, into the night.
You can love her beautiful, receding backside in that thin summer cotton dress, even as he wraps his big hand around one buttock, fingers slipping lightly between the cheeks, pushing the floral fabric before them. Is she wearing panties, you wonder? Probably not, she will have slipped them off in the bathroom, the way she did for you on your first date, and they'll be in the purse she clutches with her spare hand, the other in the back pocket of his jeans.
Fellow degenerates, thank you for reading.
If you were offended, then wtf are you doing here?
If you liked my effort, can relate, want more, let me know, it'll cost you a short comment below.
If you didn't like it, I'm OK with that too, please feel free to let rip!
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Ladies, I am looking for a long term relationship that can include collaboration in writing, mutual titillation, deep revelations, the warmth of intimate words, the exploration of limits, the sharing of dark, delicious secrets and even the mundane, every-day things. I will listen and I will respond, PM me and I guarantee a reply.
Source: reddit.com/r/Erotica/comments/3ipwra/mf_loss_and_longing