So this was originally a response I wrote for a post in /r/DirtyWritingPrompts, and I also posted it to literotica, but I thought I'd see what you guys thought to get some more direct feedback. Let me know what you think of the writing, dialogue, characters, and whatnot. I'd really love to improve my work, so thanks in advance. Hope you enjoy!
The engine of his brother’s old 1970 Chevelle cut off as Raymond removed the keys from the ignition. The silence took him by surprise, as it always did when he’d ride in it with Danny when they were younger. He got out of the car, taking note of the stares he got from passers-by in the parking lot as he shut and locked the door. No doubt they were curious as to why this stranger was in Danny Moreno’s car, and who he was.
The looks were put on the backburner as Raymond turned and walked into Terri’s Grocery. He hadn’t been in there in 14 years, not since the day he’d left for college. It was strange, being back home after so long, but here he was, going back into the store that belong to his old school bully’s family. Raymond laughed as he wondered what had happened to Derrick Terri, whether he was still the jock prick he was back then, or if he’d finally grown up and became a decent person.
The store hadn’t changed in 14 years. The counter was still there at the right-hand side of the entrance, the rack of magazines on the wall to the left, the porno mags he would sneak a peek at when Mr. Terri wasn’t looking hiding behind the regular ones. The rows of food and whatnot still ran parallel to the entryway, and when he noticed that he remembered that one time his brother had used that to his advantage to sneak a couple packs of cookies into his pants. He offered them to Raymond after they’d left, but Raymond refused his brother’s dick cookies, as he’d called them. The memories put a smile on Ray’s face, and he stood there for a second taking them in.
“So are you gonna say hi, or just stand there like a dumbass all day, Ray?”
Raymond turned to the counter to respond to the insult, and noticed a familiar face leaning forward with a smile. “Well shit, Teresa Terri, I thought you said you’d off yourself before you ever considered running your dad’s store?”
The tall blond girl smirked, twirling her medium-length hair with a finger of her free hand while her other propped her up on the counter by the elbow. “Yeah, I gave in. I needed a job, and it was either this or get pregnant and get my CNA certification like all the other whores in our class,” she replied in a tone that sounded both melancholic and oddly satisfied. “I’m sorry about your brother, by the way. He was a great guy, stupid but pretty fun to be around. I didn’t see you at the funeral, Ray, I thought you weren’t gonna show up.”
“My flight was delayed,” he said. “I got in two hours after the burial.”
Teresa leaned forward, folding her arms. “So what are you still doing here? Those of us that gave a shit actually thought you were done with this place. Not that I’d blame you, mister ‘Big City History Teacher.” Before Raymond could respond, an older lady came to the counter with her basket. “Just a second ma’am. Hey Ray, you go get your stuff, we’ll finish talking later.”
Raymond nodded, and turned to go through the aisles. He knew exactly where what he needed was, and went straight for the back row, where the refrigerators were. Right across from them were the 12 and 24-packs of sodas, and further down the aisle rested the family-size bags of chips. He browsed the chips, grabbing the cheddar Lays, before moving on to the sodas. But as he turned to continue on, he saw another familiar face at the end of the aisle, and this one struck him as even more of a surprise than Teresa had.
“Allie,” he said in a near whisper as their eyes met. The expression on her light face was one of elated shock. Raymond cleared his throat. “Allie, he-“
Before he could finish, he was cut off by what had to have been the tightest hug of his life. He hadn’t seen Allie since the week before he left, but she looked almost exactly as she had then, just a little bit older. She was shorter than him, enough so that her arms slid under his just above the elbow, and her head rested just under his collarbone. Raymond thought he would never again get to take in the lavender scent of her hair, and it was nice to know that even after 14 years she still used the same kind of shampoo. It was one of those things that was instantly recognizable about her, that and her deep auburn hair. “I missed you,” she said. “I was at Danny’s funeral, I didn’t think you’d be there since you didn’t show up.” Allie pulled away slightly and looked up at Raymond with her trademark half-smile, but this time it was filled with sadness. “How are you holding up?”
Raymond returned the smile and the embrace, pulling back gently until she let go of him. “I’m doing okay,” he replied. “I hadn’t seen him in three years, but the last time he went out to visit me he was still the same old Danny, trying to pick up chicks in his Chevelle.”
Allie laughed the quiet little laugh Raymond had loved so much when they were teenagers. “Yeah, that was definitely him. Speaking of his car, I saw it outside. Does that mean…”
“Yeah, it’s mine now,” Raymond sighed. “Mom and I had his will read this morning, and he left it to me. I guess I should be glad he showed me how to drive the fuckin’ thing when he went out to visit me last time, otherwise I’m pretty sure I would have blown out the clutch or some damn thing by now.”
She laughed again, and looked down at the big bag of chips in his left hand. “Planning a party? I remember you and your brother used to throw awesome keg parties back in the day.”
“No, I think my partying days are long behind me,” Raymond answered, looking down at the chips, then back up at her, noting that she still wore the light-green zip-up hoodie he’d gotten for her for her 16th birthday, and it was as big on her now as it was then. “I’ve got the house to myself for a few hours while mom is out having a spa day with her friends. She won’t be back until tonight, so I’m gonna hunker down and watch the Women’s World Cup games today.”
Allie cocked her head to the side slightly, an eyebrow raised. “Since when are you a soccer fan?”
“I’m not,” he chuckled in response. “I can’t explain it, but for some damn reason I’ve found the games pretty exciting. Plus there isn’t much else to do around the house since I already cleaned it up, washed the dishes, and organized mom’s pantry and fridge.”
“Oh, I see,” she replied, a curious look in her eyes.
“Uh oh,” Raymond worriedly said. “I know that look.”
“What look?” she quizzed with a faux innocent smile.
“That look,” he said as he tried to mimic the way she had looked at him. “That look that always ended with you, me, or my brother in jail for the night. Me and Danny were lucky your dad liked us, or he would have killed us for letting you get into so much trouble.”
“Don’t worry, my troublemaking days are long behind me,” she said, mocking his typical tone of voice, forcing the two of them to burst into laughter.
“You two gonna buy something, or just gonna fuck in the back of the store?” called Teresa from the front. “Cause if you’re just gonna drop your clothes in my store at least let me get some popcorn to watch first.”
The two of them laughed even louder at that. “You’re missing out, Teresa,” Allie called back. “I’ve been jerking him off this whole time!”
“The fuck you have!” she shouted, and suddenly she appeared from around the corner of the aisle, random strands of hair glued to her forehead from the light glaze of sweat. “Fuckin’ liars!”
Raymond and Allie nearly fell to the floor, laughing as they had when they were younger. Teresa had joined them, before walking back to the counter. “Oh, shit,” Raymond said when he’d caught his breath. “I really should get going, though. I’m pretty sure you’ve got a busy day ahead of you.”
“Actually I don’t,” she replied, almost sullenly. “I have the day off from work, and Jake is out of town with Sarah for the week.”
Suddenly, it hit him. Why he had left and never came back until now. “So you and him ended up together,” he said, bitingly.
“Yeah,” she answered as if it were a question. “We had to, once we found I… well… when we found out I was…”
“Its cool, you don’t have to explain,” he said with a smile he had to force on. “I understand.”
“Oh,” she sighed. “If you say so.” Allie looked at the floor, saddened, but then looked back up at him. “Give me your phone.”
Raymond raised an eyebrow at her. “What?”
“Your phone,” she said again, “give it to me. Come on, it’ll be quick.”
Raymond took his phone out and handed it to her, watching as she went through his un-blocked lock screen, put her number into his contacts, then handed it back. “I know I hurt you back then, and I’d understand if you don’t forgive me for it, but if you ever need to talk, I’m here.”
He smiled, and then sent her a text. “Now you have mine too. See you around.”
“Yeah, see ya,” she replied with her half-smile before continuing on. He watched her walk off, sullenly remembering the day she’d confessed to cheating on him with Jake Stevenson. It was over a decade ago, but the memory still stung him. He’d dated other women since then, but never found one he’d loved as much as he’d loved Allie, and they never lasted as long as the four years they’d been together. He’d told himself it was just a high school romance, and he’d find a girl that was mature and would have a real relationship, with kids and marriage and all that, but they never seemed to work out. Allie was the mark against which they were all measured, and so far nobody had even came close to how high she’d set the bar.
Raymond grabbed a 12-pack of Dr. Pepper then went to the counter to pay. As he did, he noticed Teresa staring back at him. “What is it?” he asked.
“Be careful with her,” she whispered, leaning forward. “You’re all smiles and giggles now, but remember what she did to you. I know we haven’t talked since you left, but I actually give a shit about you, and that whole week before you took off the only thing that kept me from kicking her ass was knowing you’d hate me for it. You’ve got a big heart, Ray. Don’t let her break it again.”
He smiled sullenly, then grabbed his things after handing her the cash. “Thanks Teresa. And don’t worry, I won’t. It’s been fourteen years. I’ve moved on since then. You should too.”
“I’m serious,” she said, handing him back his change. “If it happens again I’ll take a page out of Derrick’s book and kick your ass for being a dipshit.”
Raymond chuckled, said goodbye, and left. As he got back in the car and started it up, the loud growl of the engine seemed almost nonexistent as his mind remained on Allie. He tried to force her out of his thoughts as he backed out of the parking space and left the lot, but it didn’t work, so he flipped through the radio stations until he heard an old country song he liked, and turned the volume up. Unfortunately, Patsy Cline’s voice singing about three cigarettes in an ashtray just made him think about Allie again, so he shut it off and drove back in silence.
Back at his mom’s house, he hung the keys to the Chevelle on the key ring, and placed the 12-pack and chips on the coffee table, turning on the TV to the pre-game discussion on the two teams about to play, Colombia and Mexico. Raymond took the box to the kitchen and opened the box, placing 11 cans of Dr. Pepper into the fridge and filling a glass with ice, cracking open the last can and pouring it in. He took a sip, and ended up downing half the glass. “Ahh yeah,” he quietly exclaimed to himself. “That’s good shit.”
Raymond went to his room to grab his Mexico team jersey he’d laid out on his bed, and as he put it on he sighed, noticing that his mom had kept his room exactly the same way it had been before he left. He’d been back two days, and hadn’t noticed it until now. What made him realize it was the picture frame that was turned face-down on the dresser. He walked over to it, flipping it back into an upright position. It was a picture of him and Allie, taken at prom. She wore a dark green dress, and the vest of his tuxedo matched. He remembered being happy that they both shared favorite colors, green and black. They’d had sex before that night, and were each other’s first, but her parents had been out of town that night, and she’d had the house to herself. It was the first time they actually got to spend the night together, and he loved it. It was too much for him to focus on now, though, so Raymond turned back towards the door and left.
By the time he got back to the living room, the game had already started, and Colombia had possession of the ball deep on Mexico’s side. “Oh for fuck’s sake!” Raymond shouted, sipping his drink and opening the bag of chips. A last-second save by Mexico’s goalie made him shout in excitement, jumping up and pumping a fist in the air. As he sat down he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. He checked the screen, and Allie’s name and number were on it. He slid the bar sideways to answer the call.
“Hello?”
“Hey, Ray, are you busy?”
Raymond looked back at the game, which had started to settle around midfield. “Not really, no. Why what’s up?”
She paused for a second. “Can I come over?”
“Umm… yeah, I guess that’s cool. Right now?”
“Yeah. I’m on my way.”
“Ok, see you then.” Raymond hung up the phone, and put it back into his pocket. Suddenly the game was just background noise, as he tried to think of reasons why she would want to come over so suddenly. By the time the doorbell rang, the game was tied at 1-1 and he had no idea when either of them had happened.
He got up to answer the door, and there she was, jeans, green zip-up hoodie and her beautiful auburn hair, smiling at him with those soft pink lips and deep brown eyes that he’d loved when they were young. “Can I come in?” she asked, hands in her pockets.
“Of course,” he answered, smiling back at her, backing away to give her space to walk through. “Did you think I was gonna leave you on the porch in the heat?”
Allie chuckled as she walked through and sat on the couch, smiling up at him. “Of course not, you dork.”
Raymond shut the door, and walked over to her. “You want something to drink? I got a fresh delivery from the Soda Gods today.”
“If by that you mean a Dr. Pepper, then yes, I’ll have one, thanks!”
“Coming right up!” he said as he turned towards the kitchen. He grabbed a can out of the fridge and opened it, filled a glass with ice and poured the soda in, then grabbed another can for his own glass. When he got back to the living room, she’d taken off the hoodie, and underneath was wearing a Colombia jersey. When Allie saw the look on his face, she gave him that half-smile she was known for. “Since when do you like soccer?” he asked, handing her the glass.
“Since my daughter started playing a couple years ago,” she replied, folding the hoodie and putting it on the arm of the couch. “All she’s been talking about the last few weeks is how this is Colombia’s first time in a World Cup, and how excited she is to see them play. She even saved up her allowance to buy me this jersey for my birthday last month because she wanted us to watch the game together.” Suddenly, the smile faded from her face, and she looked down into her drink. “I forgot that she was going to be with him this week. I knew you were watching the game, and I didn’t want to watch it alone. So…”
“What do you mean?” Raymond asked, puzzled. “Aren’t you guys…”
“Together?” she finished. “No, we split up two years ago. I kept the house, he moved to the city with his new girlfriend, and we split custody of Sarah. I get her every other week. And this week is his week.” She took a gulp of her drink, and looked back up at the game. “When the hell did Mexico score?”
Raymond leaned forward, watching her face as she looked at the game. She noticed, and turned to face him, smiling. “Shit, man, I had no idea,” he said, putting his drink down. “I assumed you two were still together. I’m sorry.”
Allie smiled again, putting out a hand and grabbing his. “It’s okay,” she said. “You didn’t know.”
Raymond noticed a narrow strip of tears coming down from the corner of one of her eyes, and he moved closer to her, wrapping his arms around her like he used to when she’d cry around him. “It’s alright,” he whispered as he heard her gently sob. “Shhh, don’t cry, it’s okay.” Without even thinking about it, Raymond leaned in and kissed her on the forehead. When he realized what he’d done, he pulled back in shock, noticing Allie’s expression of utter surprise.
“I-I…” he stuttered, trying to find his words. “I’m s-“
Before he could finish, she kissed him on the lips, a kiss full of the passion that he hadn’t felt since they were teenagers. When she pulled away, she looked like she was going to apologize, but Raymond lay her back, kissing her again as he lowered his free hand around her back. Allie wrapped her arms around the back of his neck, pulling him down onto her as she rested her full weight onto the couch. Raymond took the hand that she was holding and held it away from her body, pinned forward as their fingers interlocked. He kissed down her cheek, to her neck, between her collarbones and to the small bit of her chest that remained exposed from the jersey.
Allie gripped the bottom of his jersey and pulled it up over his head, revealing his chest to her. She ran her fingers through his chest hair, across what would be Pecs if he’d worked out more. Raymond remembered how she used to love doing that, playing around with the hair on his body. He began to lift up the bottom of her jersey, but she stopped him.
“Are you… do you…” he stammered.
“Yeah, I do,” she said, breathing heavily. “I just… in the room. It’s too weird on the couch.”
Raymond smiled and sat up. Before Allie could do the same, he scooped her up into his arms, eliciting a squeal of surprise from him as he propped her up and she wrapped her legs around his waist. She raised up her jersey, taking it off as he carried her to the room. She swung it around her head before he put her down onto the bed. As he reached back to undo the clasp on her bra, she undid the button and zipper on his jeans. As they fell from his hips, showing off his hanging manhood, he pulled the bra straps from around her arms, revealing her smooth breasts, the first he’d ever seen, and just as he was the first man to have ever touched them, she was the first to ever taste him. Allie took his growing member into her mouth gently, running the length of her tongue down him as he softly kneaded her medium sized breasts, delicately squeezing the nubs of her nipples as if he’d never left them.
“God, I forgot how good you were at that,” she whispered when she pulled back. “You always knew how to please me.”
Raymond smiled. “I’m still pretty good at the other thing, too. At least I think. It’s been awhile.”
Allie licked up the length of his member from the base to the tip. “Is that so?” She kissed his head and slid back, pulling her legs up into the air.
Raymond undid her button and zipper, pulling the stiff jeans and her panties down together, but he left them at her knees, dropping down to his and coming eye level with the delicate pink flower between her thighs. He gently rubbed the palm of his hand against the moistening folds, gently toying at the light tangle of pubic hair that covered her mound.
Allie giggled. “You still love pubes, don’t you, sweetie?”
“Mmhmm,” he replied. “I can’t explain it but it’s so fucking sexy.” Raymond slid two fingers down her hairs, lightly rubbing around her clitoris, tickling at the barely hidden nub and enjoying the quiet squeal that arose from her throat. He continued down, gently playing with her extended labia. Of all the women he’d been with since her, he preferred hers. They extended outside of their coverage, taking on the appearance of petals as he easily spread them apart. Raymond was almost mesmerized by the beautiful lips that stared him in the face.
“Ray, are you gonna do it, or just look at it?” Allie expressed a tone that hinted at how much she needed him. And he was all too happy to oblige.
Raymond began at the bottom point, the tip of his tongue leaving a trail as he licked up the dripping fluids that she secreted, going from the meeting point of her folds to the opening that he had been the first to ever visit. As he dipped his tongue inside, he felt Allie’s body tighten up as she sharply inhaled. He pulled out with a kiss to her lips, and continued upwards, enveloping her hood with the entirety of his tongue before rubbing its flat surface sideways against her round tip. Allie squealed again, grabbing his thick black hair with both hands and giving a strong tug as he drew the tip of his tongue around her clit, diving his entire mouth around it before sliding two fingers into her steaming opening.
“Mmmmm,” she moaned, tightening her thighs around Raymond’s head. Allie groaned as he began to increase the speed at which his fingers entered her body. Within time, the long strokes had turned into short upwards strokes as he touched her spot over and over, simultaneously assaulting her hood with his tongue, matching the speed of both to her ever-quickening heartbeat.
“Ohhhh god,” she cried out. “Oh shit… Ray, I’m gonna… I…” Raymond began to feel her muscles tighten around his fingers, and sped up, sucking on her entire hood and rapidly flicking the tip of his tongue over her clit until finally a high scream came out of her mouth and she pulled his face against her sex, squeezing her thighs around his head like a vise. The tiniest amount of fluid spurted out of her, splashing against his chin and dripping onto the floor beneath them.
Allie’s body shuddered, tiny squeals coming every few seconds as his mouth brushed against her lips. “Stop…” she breathed out. “Oh god…”
“So you still get sensitive after an orgasm?” Raymond asked with a chuckle, teasing her with light kisses against the soaked flesh between her thighs.
“Yes,” she laughed, stroking his hair as she loosened the grip of her thighs around his head. “Oh, god, I haven’t had oral that good since… since ever. You learned some new things since last time.” She said in a curious tone.
Ray got up from his knees, kissing his way up her body, stopping just short of her lips. “Well I’ve had a bit of practice.” He smiled at her before kissing her.
Allie wrapped her arms under his and around his back, licking at his lips. “Mmmm, I always loved how I tasted on you.”
Raymond pushed her further back on the bed, climbing up onto his knees and lowering himself so he was almost level with her as she raised her pelvis into the air. Allie reached down and gripped his manhood, gently stroking it before lowering it to align with her opening, grinding her drenched lips against his head. When he slid inside, she gasped, squealing as he gently allowed all seven inches to enter her. Raymond ground his hips in a circle before drawing back, delicately stroking in and out as Allie put one hand on his hip and the other on his chest, digging in and drawing her nails downwards, leaving red lines down his body. He smiled and kissed her, increasing the speed of his advance and thrusting upwards before pulling back, repeating the motion as his kisses stifled her moans.
Allie returned the favor, grinding her hips as he spread her open. She moved her hands to his back, scratching his back as he pulled his face away from hers. When Raymond pulled his face back from hers, her eyes were closed, and her mouth pulled into a tight grin as she bit her bottom lip in an effort to stifle her moans. A futile effort, as within seconds her lips spread open and she resumed the sounds that brought Raymond to the brink of orgasm.
Raymond pulled his body up off of hers, positioning himself upright and sliding his knees forward. He grabbed her hands in the air, pushing forwards as she pushed against him, using the leverage to slam his erection into her, the sound of his ball slapping underneath drowned out by the lusty groans forcing themselves out from Allie’s throat.
Finally, between the warmth and moistness of her passage, the squeals, groans, and moans working their way through her mouth, and the pain from her nails on his back, Raymond couldn’t take anymore. He withdrew from her opening, laying the weight of his member against the roughness of the fur around her dripping pink flower. Allie immediately gripped his penis with both hands, stroking almost as fast as he had been thrusting. It wasn’t long before the orgasm ripped through his body, his sticky liquid spurting out in a strong burst across her stomach, up to just below her breasts. He leaned down, kissing her as her body heaved in an effort to catch her breath. He remained stiff, however, and she slid him back inside of her, kissing him as he gently thrust until finally he was too flaccid to continue.
Raymond fell onto the side of the bed as Allie got up, straddling his nude body as the semen that coated her stomach glistened in the light. She placed a finger just above the tangle of hairs between her legs, slowly drawing upwards, catching the fluids that began to slowly slide down her body. When she got the last of it, she placed her finger into her mouth, slowly drawing it out, sucking every drop of it before swallowing it.
“You should have came inside me,” she whispered seductively, almost in a whimper, leaning down to kiss his neck. “You know I like to taste it from inside of me.”
“But then I wouldn’t have gotten to see how sexy you look with cum splattered on you,” Raymond replied, smiling. “You know how much I love seeing you like that.”
Allie pulled up and met his gaze. “We should get cleaned up. I remember how your mom reacted the last time she caught us like this, and it wasn’t fun.”
Raymond sat up, wrapping his arms around his waist and kissing her. “We have plenty of time, and it’s been so long since I’ve seen you naked, do we have to do it right now?”
She smiled, and bit his lip, pulling away slowly. “Yes, we do.”
“Fiiiiiiine,” he groaned, standing up so she could get upright onto her feet. “You remember where the bathroom is, right?”
Allie nodded. “Mmhmm. But I’m gonna keep it on me. Its kinda sexy.”
Raymond’s face twisted up. “Oh god, that’s gross. Hot as fuck, but gross. That stuff was inside of me!”
“And now some of it is inside me,” she grinned, scooping up what remained on her stomach and licking it off. “Come on, the game’s probably almost over.”
By the time they got their clothes back on and back to the living room, the game was already over, and the next had started. “Goddamn it,” Raymond exclaimed. “I really wanted to watch that game.”
“So was I not worth it?” Allie asked, a coy smile on her face.
Raymond laughed, and pulled her in for a kiss. “You, my dear, are worth missing every game to come”
Source: reddit.com/r/sexystories/comments/3dh6i3/a_visit_home_mf