I would love some feedback, or suggestions on where to take this next.
John looked at his phone. It had been three days since their last play session. Maybe it was time. He unlocked the phone and found Gisele among his contacts. "Can I come over? -J" a short, simple text. He clicked send. A few moments later his phone vibrated with a response. "Yes sir." was all it said. John smiled to himself as he got in his car. It was only the second time he had ever driven to her place, but it felt very familiar.
Gisele hadn't even gotten out of bed when she got Johns text. She had been looking forward to sleeping in, but the text changed everything. Suddenly she wanted nothing more than to get up and get ready. "Shit! I need to shower." the thought to herself as she replied to his text. She got out of bed and rushed to the shower. He would be there in just a few minutes, so she had to make it quick.
John parked his car by the side of the street and got out. He walked with confidence to the apartment complex. His index finger pressed against the cold doorbell. No response. He rang the doorbell again and waited another 10 seconds. Still nothing. Just as he was going to ring the bell a third time, the door flew open. There she stood, wearing only a towel, water dripping from her long blond hair. "Hello sir. I.. I just had to take a shower." she blurted while gesturing for him to enter. John stepped inside without replying. He took his coat off and hung it by the door, then walked into the livingroom. "I'll just put some clothes on, then I'll be with you, sir." Gisele called out from the hall. "No. Come in here." John replied. Gisele hesitated, but then obeyed. John admired her figure. "Give me the towel." he said calmly. Gisele untucked the towel in the front, revealing her chest and then her crotch. She felt his gaze all over her naked body. John extended a hand, gesturing for Gisele to hand the towel over. She looked down at the floor, then complied. John took a step toward her. "Get on your knees." Gisele obeyed without hesitation. But to her surprise, John started drying her hair with the towel. A feeling of comfort filled her. She felt safe. John threw the towel onto the floor. "Sir… Am I your slave?" Gisele asked quietly. John smiled to himself. Time to play the long game. "Slave?" he replied "A slave deserves care and respect. You're just a slut who keeps coming back even though I treat you like shit." Giseles head fell as quick as her mood. John reached out a hand and caressed her cheek. "Do you want to be a slave?" he asked her. This was going according to plan. Gisele looked up at him. "I want to be your slave." she emphasized her words carefully. John feigned contemplation. "It would require alot of commitment on your part, but in return you will be taken good care of." He looked her deep in the eyes. "I am ready." Gisele replied with confidence. "Good. Go sit in the couch. I'll be right back." John walked out into the hall.
John reached into one of the pockets on his coat and pulled out two pieces of paper. He walked back into the livingroom and sat down next to Gisele and put the two papers face down onto the table. "This is a contract. I want you to sign it." Gisele reached out to flip the papers over, but John stopped her. "Ah-ah! Before you can sign the contract, we need someone who can be a witness." "A.. a.. witness?" for the first time today, Gisele felt hesitant. "Yes. Someone who can verify that you're doing this by your free will." John explained. "Maybe your mom, or your sister." "My.. sister?" Gisele enquired. "Is that a problem?" John was testing the waters. Gisele look at him, confused. "What if she won't sign it?" she asked. "Then we find someone else." Gisele took a deep breath. "I'll call her."
Twenty minutes later the doorbell rang. Gisele, once again wearing the towel around her body, opened the door. "Hey sis!" the girl behind the door called out. "Hey Natalie." Gisele replied. "Come in!" Natalie walked passed Gisele into the hall. She took her jacket and shoes off and put them by the door. "Just showered huh?" Natalie nodded toward the towel. "Oh, yeah." Gisele replied awkwardly. "Let's go into the livingroom." Natalie lead the way and Gisele followed. "Hello, I'm John." John stood up and offered a handshake as Natalie entered the room. "Hello John. I'm Natalie." she replied and accepted the handshake. "Why don't you have a seat?" he gestured toward the couch. Natalie and Gisele sat down on the couch but John remained standing. "Gisele, why don't you tell Natalie why she's here." said John. Gisele, noticably nervous, just shaked her head. "Alright. Then start reading from the contract." he demanded. Natalie looked over at Gisele, confused. Gisele swallowed, flipped one of the papers of and picked it up. "Um.. I, Gisele, hereby agree to submit to John, hereby refered to as Master, by my own free will…" She took another deep breath. "…and to become his slave." "What?" Natalie asked, thinking this was some kind of joke. Gisele continued reading. "As Masters slave I will conduct myself in a respectable manner and follow Masters rules as long as they fall within my limits." "Stop it!" Natalie cried out. Gisele got quiet, looking down at the floor. "Is he making you do this?" Natalie pointed at John. Gisele looked up at her. "This is what I want, sis." "To be his… slave?" Natalie failed to understand. "Why would you want to be someones slave?" "Sis…" Gisele tried to reply, but in vain. "I've been pretty open minded about your whole pornstar thing." Natalie continued. "But this is crazy." "Natalie, please. Listen to your sister." John added, still calm. "You shut up!" Natalie replied out of spite. She turned back to Gisele. "Look, sis, you can come with me. We can leave right now." "Natalie, please, I really want this. I need this. Please understand." Gisele pleaded. "I… I just don't understand." Natalie said. She was starting to calm down. "So… you really want to be his slave?" she asked once more. "Yes Natalie, I do." Gisele replied. "What would you… um… have to do as his slave?" Gisele averted her gaze, embarrassed to reveal the truth. "Anything he wants." she finally replied. "You mean like cooking and cleaning and stuff?" Natalie didn't get it. Gisele looked over at John in an attempt to receive guidance. He nodded. "Tell her." Suddenly a tingling feeling started to spread in Gisele. Being outed like this was incredbily embarassing, which in turn made it incredibly arousing. "Cooking and cleaning would be things that I might be ordered to do. But there are other things too." Gisele started. The tingling sensation spread to her pussy and intensified. "When Master requests a blowjob, I must suck his dick to the best of my abilites until he tells me to stop." Her pussy was going crazy. She felt the desired to touch herself, but refrained from it. "If Master wants to fuck my pussy, it must be available until he has no further use for it." She pressed her legs against eachother in an attempt to suppress the feeling in her pussy. "If Master should feel the desire to take me in the ass, then my ass must ready for anything." Gisele started breathing heavier. Natalie just looked at her in shock. "This is fucking sick!" Natalie cried out and stood up. She stormed out of the livingroom into the hall. Gisele quickly got up and ran after her. "Sis, wait!" John heard the door opening. Gisele grabbed Natalies hand, preventing her from leaving. "Sis, please, come back inside." she pleaded. "I don't want to be a part of this." Natalie screamed in reply. "You don't have to. All you have to do is help me sign the contract." Gisele explained. Natalie wanted nothing more than to leave, but somehow she couldn't abandon her sister. "Fuck!" she cried out "Is that all I have to do?" "Yes!" Natalie calmed down. She sighed. "Alright. I'll help you sign the contract but then I'm out of here." "Thank you sis!" Gisele leaped forward, hugging her sister. The two of them walked back into the livingroom where John was waiting. They both sat down in the couch. "Are you ready?" John asked. "I think so." Natalie replied.
Gisele read the whole contract out loud, experiencing the same sensation as earlier. Halfway through her pussy was getting moist and by the end it was dripping wet. John grabbed a ballpoint pen and handed it to Gisele. She grabbed it softly and signed the contract with a shaking hand. The pen was then offered to Natalie. She hesitated, but then accepted. Natalie held the pen with a firm grip and her signature reflected the fact. Gisele couldn't believe it. She reached over to her sister and put her arms around her. "Thank you Natalie." she whispered into her ear. At the same time she could feel her wet pussy rubbing against Natalies leg. A jolt of excitment shot through her. At this point she didn't care that it was her own sister, she was at the mercy of her Master. Natalie released herself from Giseles arms. "Is that it?" she asked, looking at John. "That's it." he replied with confidence. "Well, I'll better go then." Natalie got up, contemplated her recent decision, then decided to walk out to the hall. Giseles remained sitting down, worried about what kind of mark she would leave behind if she got up. "Goodbye Gisele… John" Natalie shouted from the hall as she opened the door. "Goodbye sis!" Gisele yelled back. The door slammed shut before John could reply.
Suddenly, Gisele found herself in a frightening situation. She was alone with the man that she would from now own only refer to as Master. What had she gotten herself into? Luckily her arousal carried her through any doubt she had. "On your knees." John demanded. "Remove the towel." Gisele obeyed. "Come over here." John pointed to the floor before him. Gisele crawled on all four to the spot he had pointed out. She looked up at him, awaiting the next command. "Wait here. I have something for you." John took a step to the side, then walked out into the hall. Once again he retrieve something from one of the pockets on his coat. "Hold your hair up." John commanded as he walked back into the livingroom. He crouched down infront of Gisele. "This is a collar with your name engraved on it." he held the collar up for her to see. Gisele replied by letting her jaw drop. "I… I thought you said I was just a slut…" Gisele began tearing up. "…that you didn't think of me as a slave…how did you know?" John started putting the collar around her neck. "Do you really think I'd leave that up to you?" he smirked. "So you plan…ugh" John tightened the collar. "…you planned this?" Gisele asked. "I always have a plan." John replied, still smirking. "Thank you." was Giseles only response. "How does it feel?" John asked. "I'm so wet." Gisele exclaimed. John laughed. "I meant the collar." "Oh! It feels perfect sir." "Ah-ah! I'm your Master now. Address me as such." "Yes Master. Sorry Master." "It's fine for now. Tomorrow we'll go through my rules and from then on I expect you to follow every single one of them." "Yes Master." "Spread your legs." Gisele obeyed, revealing drops of pussy juice running down her thighs. "You've been a very good girl today, Gisele." "Thank you Master." "What do good girls do?" "They get to cum, Master?" Gisele tried. "No, Gisele. Good girls follow orders." John corrected her. "And I have one final order for you tonight." "Yes Master." John unzipped his jeans and pulled his dick out from withing his boxers. He took a step forward and let his dick rest against Giseles face. "You will suck my dick as best you can. Meanwhile you may play with yourself all you want, but as soon as I cum, you must stop. Got it?" "Yes Master." Gisele replied, worried by the prospect of not being allowed to cum. "Open your mouth." Gisele obeyed. John put a finger through one of the metal rings attached to the collar and pulled her head onto his dick. She was almost able to take the whole thing before gagging and pulling her head back in response. "You gotta do better than that." John teased her. He repeated the procedure of pulling her head onto his dick. This time she fought the urge to pull her head back. She gagged on his dick, coughed a few times and let saliva drip out of her mouth. "Good girl." John let go of the collar and Gisele started bobbing back and forth on his dick, never letting it leave her mouth. She sucked with all her might, hoping to live up to her Masters standards. In the midst of pleasing her Master, Gisele forgot to play with herself. An error she soon corrected. Her right hand slid down along her chest and stomach to her pussy. Finally getting some stimulation sent shockwaves of pleasure through her body. Never before had she been this horny. The pleasure made her careless. Gisele put all her upperbody strength to use and pushed herself down onto Johns dick. Everytime his dick filled her throat she gagged violently, but she didn't care, she was so close. Suddenly she felt a hand grabbing her by the hair, pressing her harder onto his dick. Pressing her further than before. She had this entire dick down her throat and couldn't do anything about it. "HANDS OFF!" John yelled. Gisele couldn't believe it, but somehow her hands obeyed without her conscious effort. With his dick down her throat he started shooting string after string of sticky cum. The first string of cum was fine. But the second was too much for Gisele, she tried to pull her head back. John wouldn't let her. The third string of cum filled Giseles throat to the brim. The forth string of cum filled the only space left and started running out of her nose. John, still cumming, let go of her head. Gisele pulled her head back, spewed cum all over the floor and then grasped for air. The final two string of cum landed on Giseles chest and stomach. Finally Gisele collapsed on the floor, breathing heavy, trying to recover. "That was a masterful blowjob, slave." John complimented her. "Thank you… Master." Gisele replied between breaths. "Did you manage to cum?" "No Master. I didn't cum." "Aww what a shame." John teased her. "Why don't we get you ready for bed? It's a big day tomorrow." John extend his hand and helped Gisele up.
After a shower together, they were both ready to go to bed. This would be the first time they shared a bed. This would be the first time Giseles would sleep next to her Master. And she was still soooooooo horny.
Source: reddit.com/r/sexystories/comments/3270bw/breaking_in_a_pornstar_part_4_mdomfsubbdsmstr8
Show, don’t tell. I’m glad that you are more descriptive with this chapter, but you still haven’t built up any of your characters. The readers still have no clue how a pornstar got so broken down to a submissive to a Dom that, quite frankly, has no claims to authority. You don’t just become a Dom because your sub gives you permission. Just because you call someone a dirty fucking slut doesn’t immediately turn them into a sub. There is a metamorphoses that takes place, a need to dominate and a need to be dominated. Do you know the real problem with porn? The problem with porn isn’t that it reveals too much. The problem with porn is that it reveals too little. Your story needs to be so much more than just people fucking. Any pervert can write about a dick smashing a pussy. It takes a special kind of depraved pervert to delve deep into the psyche of the characters to flesh out the deep dark carnal fetishes of the human person. That’s the point of a sexy story. Think about what turns you on, like, what really gets you fucking horny. Then think about why it makes you horny. Now write about the essence of what makes you so sexually aroused. A really good erotic story drives you up the wall because it’s so fucking sexy. It ought to make you wet and disgusted with yourself at the same time. Keep at it!