I climb on top of you and take your hands and bring them to my chest tell you to tug my nipples, suck them, and bite them. By now I'd be teasing your cock. Not so long letting my mouth leave your lips, my tiny hand working tirelessly to stroke you. Keeping you erect and throbbing as you lavished my chest with attention making me yearn and drip with the desire to feel you. I slowly press my body to yours Letting you just barely feel how wet I am but not letting you Inside. I start to rub myself on you making it wetter and wetter. I abruptly roll off of you and whisper into your ear that you were going to eat my little pussy until I came if you wanted to fuck me. I then guide your head in between my legs as you slowly began to work your tongue all along my sweet spots. I arch my body to meet your mouth each time you pull away. You can feel my muscles drawing taut, and you want to tease me. I only want you to pull away long enough for me to catch my breath or taste myself on your lips. I'm quivering with desire and you can see the torment on my face as your face meets my lips again. You're tasting all the right spots and my eyes roll into the back of my head as I shudder against you, my legs quaking, and when you finally slow and look up at me you know I yearn to return the favor. Once you’ve made me explode I climb back on top of you and rest my body on yours. Letting you sink deeper and deeper inside of me. Gently I start grinding myself into your hard cock and hitting all of my right spots. I take your left hand and place it on my ass to help guide me and your right hand grasped entry around my throat as I started to go up and down gently. Letting the tip nearly escape me but the slam back down onto you sending shivers down both of our spines. Leaning in close my lips meet yours, bringing my body just forward enough to feel you deep inside of me. I slowly start to ride you, never letting our lips part. There's something about you breathing heavily into me that awakens a desire like I've never known. I continue to take it slowly, working myself up, letting you feel the wetness you've created. You’re throbbing and lusting to want to finally take control of me. Just like that you toss me onto the bed and our eyes meet just as you yank my legs toward you and the edge of the bed. You gently guide yourself into me as I quiver with pleasure. You start more aggressively pumping in and out of me as you reach up and cup my breasts. You can feel me getting even more moist and aroused as you started to really have your way with me. You rest yourself into my body, going deeper than I've felt before as you kiss me and asked me to get onto my hands and knees. I dread feeling you pull from inside me, but I agree. I quickly roll over and get into position hoping you'd slip into me and the pleasure will return. Instead you decide to spend a little time teasing me. You gently take the bottle of oil from the nightstand and drizzle it over my firm little ass. You start firmly rubbing it and slowly starting to play with me. You take your hands and gently Spread my little pussy open, and it would be aching and waiting for your cock. I think that the wait is finally over and I start to throb, but much to my surprise you give my ass a little kiss and gently slip a finger inside of it sending shivers throughout my body and awakening new desires in my head. Without warning you thrust inside of me. No more gentle and no more going slowly. You put one hand on my hip and the other in my hair pulling my head back and face towards you so you can see the pleasure on my face every time you thrust hard inside of me. You take your hand from my hair and start to gently probe my ass as if you were warming it up. I'm moaning with pleasure and dripping all over your cock. I want you inside of my ass, and you can see it written all over my face. You politely request a toy as I search for one within reach. Once I've fumbled around the bed and found one you slowly start slipping it into my ass while you slowly pump in and out of my pussy. You can feel me tighten as it continues to slide in. It's nearly sending you over the edge, but you don't like to disappoint. You pull from within me and begin to quicken the trusts with the toy. Opening me up just enough for your cock to more easily guide it's way inside. You thrust in and out, quickening with each thrust. Letting me know you're aiming to please. You reach around my waist and start rubbing my clit. I let out a small whimper and beg you to let me cum. You slowly withdrawal your hand and deny me. The thrusts get harder and my body is shaking. You know I can't hold back much longer so you reach around once more. Within moments of your hand on my clit I'm ready explode. I look into your eyes once more and ask for your permission. This time you sweetly smile, nod, and quicken both the thrusting and the gentle flicking of my clit. I melt into you, shaking, quivering, and exploding all over your cock. You collapse on the bed beside me, but I know that were nowhere near finished. You pull me in close you with my ass tightly nuzzled against your hard cock. You kiss my shoulders, my neck, and then my lips as if you’re asking me if I'm ready for more. I slowly lift my top leg and reach back to guide you inside me to give you your answer. I can feel you fill me up as you enter me from the side. You reach around and take my breast into you hand as you start to ease in and out once more. I want it, every inch of it. I arch my back into you trying to deepen your thrust. You giggle and pull me closer. The pace quickens as you're now quite hastily slamming into me. I gently bring my legs together making it even tighter around your cock. I can feel another orgasm building and you start to feel my body quiver. You'd start to slowly pull it in and out if me. Making me beg for it. You know that I'm ready to cum, but you won't give it to me. Finally you slam it back into my pussy and send me over the edge. You grasp my throat as you feel my pussy clench around you and I cum all over you. You start to feel yourself building up and begin to fuck me even harder making me cum once more. As I tighten around you it sends you over the edge completely and you quickly slip from inside me as I turned around to face you. You unload all over my pretty little face and breasts you like so much. You watch me lick it off and then we get ready for round two. ;)
Source: reddit.com/r/Erotica/comments/2jh9zo/first_trywould_love_feedback
It’s certainly erotic, which is good since Erotica is what it appears you were going for. Your visuals were sound and your delivery was certainly effective But if I may, you gave it up too easy. This style is effective (it inspires male readers to stiff) but I always prefer to tease the readers a little. An intro, or some plot build, or maybe even a hook to keep them coming back for more than just getting their rocks off You’ve got talent but don’t forget that readers still like a little character development along with their good time. But I liked it so have an upvote